


Still

by details



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Cheating, Dancer!Louis, Dancer!Niall, Doctor!Liam, Dysfunctional Relationships, Gay Sex, Love, M/M, Smut, blowjob, photographer!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-11
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-08 03:43:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/details/pseuds/details
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Still with feet touching<br/>Still with eyes meeting<br/>Still our hands match<br/>Still with hearts beating</p><p>(Louis is in love. Or, at least he used to be.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That Night

**Author's Note:**

> Title credit goes to "Still" by Daughter. If you haven't heard it, look it up. And cry. Because I cried. It's so beautiful and sad.

Louis sighed as he walked into the pub by himself. His best mate Niall had called him and convinced him to come out with him tonight. Louis always regretted getting drunk with Niall, but he was very persuasive. Niall didn’t understand why Louis liked to spend Friday nights alone. He wasn’t crazy about bars, or an intoxicated Niall. 

Louis scanned the room, searching for Niall’s blond hair. He made eye contact with his Irish friend, and he waved Louis over excitedly. Louis returned the wave and pushed through the crowed to get to where he was seated at the very edge of the bar. He licked his lips as he caught sight of a strange man chatting with Niall. He was a very nice looking man, and Louis nodded appreciatively. 

"Lou, this is my mate, Liam." Niall said happily, patting his brown eyes friend on the back. Louis examined the man more closely, a small smile tugging at his lips. "He's a doctor."

"I'm not a doctor. Nice to meet you." Liam said rolling his eyes, extending his hand to Louis. He took Liam’s hand, giving his a firm shake. "Niall has told me loads about you." 

"It's all lies." Louis said dramatically, sitting down. Niall scoffed and Liam laughed. Louis couldn't help but notice how sparkly Liam's eyes were when he laughed. His eyes crinkled up with a smile, making him look like a little boy. Louis loved it.

"Shame. Niall made you out to be quite a character." Liam said, leaning in towards Louis slightly. Louis was surprised at the behavior; he hadn’t expected Liam to be so forward. "I've been very interested to meet you." 

"Oh, well in that case." Louis said, blushing slightly. This felt a little strange, flirting. He was rusty. He grinned softly. "It's all true."

"Excellent." Liam said with a wink. Louis blushed again, trying to hide a smile. Niall was preoccupied with chatting up a girl to notice the two staring each other down. The sexual tension was already tangible, and they had only known each other for a few minutes. 

"So, how do you know Nialler?" Louis said, throwing an arm over his friend. Niall’s attention flickered back to the two when Louis touched him. 

"We've been mates for years. I stayed with him when I was an exchange student in Ireland. We were what? Fifteen?" Liam asked, looking at Niall for confirmation. 

“Yep. Mates ever since.” Niall grinned, ruffling Liam’s hair. 

"That’s lovely.” Louis said sincerely. “Are you new to London?”

"I am. I’m just working, saving up to go back to Uni."

"He's practically a doctor." Niall butt in. Liam smiled and shrugged. Another girl caught Niall’s attention, pulling him from the conversation yet again. 

"You're studying medicine, then? That's nice. Science and stuff." Louis commented, lightly. Liam gave Louis that crinkly grin and Louis couldn’t help but get all hot and bothered by it. 

"Hah. Yeah. Lots of science." Liam said. “It’s painfully boring really.” 

“Is it? Why do you do it then?” Louis asked, motioning to the barkeep that they wanted something to drink. They both ordered a pint, of the same beer. It had to be some sort of sign, Louis thought to himself. 

“School’s the boring part. Not the practice, you know?” Liam explained, nodding to the barkeep when he was handed his beer. 

“Sure. I never went to Uni. I was always rubbish as school.” Louis said, taking a small sip of the beer. He nearly choked as Liam did the same. The sight of his Adams apple bobbing as he swallowed was almost too much for him to handle. 

“So what do you do?” Liam asked, his lips shiny from licking the excess beer from them. Louis thought he might explode at how gorgeous this man was. 

“I dance for the London Ballet.” Louis said with a shrug. 

“Oh! With Niall! I should have put that together.” He said, smacking a palm to his face gently. “Maybe I’m not cut out for Uni either.” Louis laughed genuinely at his joke; loving how easily his smile was plastered to his face. 

They chatted for what felt like hours. They talked about nothing and everything at the same time. Louis had never found it so easy to talk to someone in his life. There was a comfortable lull in the conversation, and Louis took the opportunity to look around the room. He spotted Niall in the corner, and rolled his eyes. 

"Looks like Niall has found something to do." Louis observed pointing over at Niall who was lip locked with a petite blonde girl in the corner. Liam chuckled. 

"That doesn't surprise me." Liam shook his head. 

"Yeah. He's real good at the whole bar scene." Louis commented, astonished at the leeway Niall had made in such a short time. 

"Me, not so much." Liam sighed, finishing off his third beer. 

"Me neither." Louis agreed, his hands fiddling with the empty glass. 

"Why's that?" Liam asked, glancing over at him. 

"It's been a while." Louis shrugged, not expanding. Liam bit his lip and stared at Louis as if he was contemplating something important. 

"I think I'm going to take off." Liam said finally, after a long pause.

"Want to share a cab?" Louis blurted, feeling bold. Liam grinned and nodded, sliding off his stool and motioning to Louis to come with him. They walked out of the bar together, their shoulders brushing lightly. Louis felt a creeping sense of guilt as he crowded against Liam, shielding himself from the wind. 

Liam flagged a can down, stepping closer to Louis. They stood still on the street corner, waiting to get a cans attention. Louis studied Liam's bare arm that was extended toward the street. It was all smooth lines and soft skin. Louis wanted to touch it. 

The cab pulled over, making Liam move away. He opened the door for Louis and smiled, waiting for Louis to get in. They piled into the backseat, and Louis rattled off his address to the driver. They pulled away from the street, sitting in silence as they drove through the streets. During the drive, Louis watched Liam. He was undeniably attractive. He was all solid muscle and clean angles. His hair was short, and he wanted to run his fingers through it. 

He wants to grasp the closely cropped hairs at the bottom of his neck and pull him in close. He wanted to feel his warm skin that was hidden under the soft cotton for his shirt. Liam glanced over and caught Louis' eye in the pale light, shooting him that gorgeous smile again. 

The can pulled up in front of Louis building and he pulled his share of the fair from his wallet. He smiled at Liam once more before opening the door and stepping out of the cab. He as about to close the door, but something stopped him. 

Maybe boredom, or loneliness, or maybe he was just a really bad person. "Hey," he said, sticking his head back in the cab. "Want to come up?" 

Liam's eyes flashed with something unidentifiable. A slow, sensual smile played on his lips as he nodded, pushing himself out of the car after Louis.

Louis heart was beating a mile a minute, and his skin was flushed with the knowledge of what he was about to do with a man who he just met. He’d never done anything so bold in his life. Even though he knew it was wrong, he slipped his hand into Liam's, tugging him towards the building. Liam followed after him with no complaints. 

In the lift, Liam pushed Louis up against the wall gently and captured his lips. Louis sighed at how good it felt, grabbing onto Liam's arms so that he didn't fall over. Liam was so close, his body so warm; his smell so intoxicating, all Louis could think was 'moremoremore'. He moved his hands from Liam's arms to his neck, playing with the soft, short hairs as Liam thoroughly explored his mouth with his tongue. 

The lift opened, making Liam pull away from Louis. Liam grinned, running his tongue teasingly over Louis bottom lip, making him whine. Liam took his hand and yanked him out of the lift impatiently. 

"Which one?" He panted, looking back at Louis, who was in a dazed state. Louis pointed to the closest door, the fumbled in his pockets for his keys. Liam tugged him towards the door. His mind was so fuzzy, Liam was pressed so close, his breath was tickling the back of his ear. He groaned slightly as Liam kissed the shell of his ear, moving down to his neck. 

"Hurry." He mumbled against his neck, his words sending vibrations all the way to Louis' toes. 

"Jesus." Louis cursed to himself, unable to concentrate on anything but Liam's warm hands teasing the skin just beneath his shirt. Liam chuckled, his chest rumbling against Louis. He finally was able to slip the key into the lock, shoving the door open with little delicacy. Liam shoved him inside with similar vigor, kicking it shut behind him. 

The first thing to go was their shoes. The tripped and giggled into each other’s mouths as they struggled to removed them while keeping their lips firmly attached. Louis ran his hands up Liam's chest, groaning at the feeling of it rising and falling deeply. He settled his hands around his neck again, pulling him impossibly closer. Liam's tongue was performing the most sinful dance inside Louis' mouth. He was sure he'd never experienced anything so erotic and so satisfying. 

"I don't usually do this." Louis gasped as Liam nibbled on his neck while slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Liam hummed against the column of his throat in acknowledgment. Louis' eyes slipped closed and he let Liam do what he wants. His shirt was pushed from his shoulders, leaving his bare skin exposed for Liam so kiss. 

"You are far too exquisite to be real." Liam growled, swirling his tongue around his nipple softly and then kissing across his chest to the other one. Louis nodded, his mouth hanging open as he let out another involuntary moan. He grasped onto Liam's back, taking a handful of the soft t-shirt and tugged impatiently. Liam pulled away lightning fast and pulling it from his body. Louis went weak in the knees when he took in Liam's bare chest. 

He was solid and toned and angular. Louis smiled and let his hands wander along the golden skin and taught muscles. Liam wrapped his arms around Louis and pulled him deeper into the flat. Louis had no choice but to follow after him. It felt so different to be wrapped up in Liam, who was bulky and so much stronger than him, yet he was so graceful. He could guide Louis with ease, making his head spin at how manly he seemed. 

They crashed into a wall in the hallway, knocking a few picture frames off. "Sorry." Liam said, not seeming apologetic at all. He took to kissing Louis again, holding his hips with a firm grip. He shivered as Liam ran the pads of his thumbs over his hipbones. He hands were getting dangerously low and intimate. He knew that things could only get bad from there. But it was so so good. Louis laughed and shook his head, tipping his head back so that Liam would have a better angle at his mouth. 

He groaned as Liam's hands dropped even lower, cupping his ass and squeezing softly. Louis head lulled to the side, moaning at the feeling of his hands through his jeans. He rolled his hips into Liam's, causing the most delicious friction. Liam give a grunt of approval, rolling back into Louis. His hands wandered the putting of Liam's jeans, fumbling slightly. Liam froze and pulled away.

"Are you sure? I mean we just met and I've haven't really gone home with someone I just met before. But holy fuck, Louis. You're so fit, I don't want to make a fool of myself." Liam said shakily, his hands removing themselves from Louis' bum. Louis whined in protest, and wrapped his arms around Liam, not letting him pull away. 

"You're having performance anxiety? Now?" Louis laughed, resting his head in the crook of Liam's neck. He could smell a mixture of cologne, sweat and man. It was the best smell he's ever experienced. "You were doing great. And you smell so nice. You've got me so turned on, Liam. If you leave I will lose all faith in humanity." 

"Well," Liam said lowly, brushing his lips teasingly over Louis'. "We wouldn't want that, now would we?" He tutted in mock seriousness. Louis sighed when he felt Liam nip at his collarbone gently, before sucking a light mark under his ear. Just hard enough that it would only be visible for the night. 

"No. No we wouldn't." Louis gasped, flexing his fingers so that they dug into the firm skin on Liam's shoulder blades. Liam's hands wrap around his bum once more, pulling him close. Louis laughed at the fascination with his backside. "You like?" He teased, loving the feeling of being pressed so close to his bare chest. 

"Mmmm." Liam hummed into his neck. Louis started to coax him back, so that they could at least attempt to make it to the bedroom. They stumbled over the threshold, still clinging to each other. When Liam caught sight of the bed he grinned wickedly and detached himself from Louis. Louis had a protest ready on his lips, but he was interrupted by the feeling of being shoved back into the sheets. Louis landed ungracefully and in spite of his aroused state, he laughed. 

"Pushy." Louis said, brushing his slightly damp hair from his eyes. It was so hot in the room and his body was buzzing with excitement at the vision of Liam in front of him. Liam rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Louis, before looping his thumbs into the waistband of his jeans and shimmying out of them. Louis could do nothing but gape at him as he reveled his tight black briefs that were underneath.

"You like?" Liam teased back, as he kicked the material from his feet. Louis could only nod dumbly, watching intently as Liam approached him. He expected the boy to join him in the bed, but instead Liam grabbed his ankles, pulling him closer to the edge. Louis yelped in surprised, he wasn't used to being manhandled. He usually did all the work during sex. He loved the feeling of someone else taking control. 

"Off." Liam said, pulling at the waistband of Louis' own jeans. He jumped at the command, eager to comply. He lifted his hips from the bed and undid the button. Liam's impatient hands grasped them firmly and yanked them off with no preamble. Louis whined at the sudden chill of the room hitting his nearly nude body. Liam pulled his legs apart so that he could place his hands on the inside of Louis' thighs. "So fucking fit. God, those thighs." He whispered before leaning in for another kiss. 

The heat that erupted in Louis' when their bare skin met was ridiculous. It was the kind that saw him to see starts and rut helplessly into the man above him. Liam pulled away with a lingering kiss, making Louis grunt in protest. His head cocked when he heard a dull thump in the room. He opened his eyes to see Liam on his knees on the hardwood floor, settling in between his thighs. Liam grinned and lowered his mouth to place a soft kiss on the side of his knee, letting his thumbs rub circles on the insides of his thighs. 

He moans at the sight of him between his legs, his lungs gasping for air. Liam leans forward slowly, pulling at his boxers, taking them off at a glacial pace, letting his fingers trail behind, teasing the soft skin. Louis can feel his heartbeat in his ears, as he watched Liam slip his last article of clothing off, leaving him exposed to Liam, who was practically a stranger. Once the boxers are tossed away, Liam grins up at Louis and leans back in, curling his fingers around Louis' hard length. Louis lets out an obscenely loud noise at the sensation of Liam's slightly calloused hands touching the most sensitive part of his body. He stokes him slowly, fluidly, making sure they had eye contact the whole time. 

Liam licked him plump lips, running his thumb over the head. Louis moaned again, biting lamely onto the back of his hand. He's so hard now, it's painful. Liam places his lips on the soft underside, planting a hesitant kiss on him. He almost took him into his mouth, but pulled away at the last second, making Louis squeeze his eyes shut and bite harder into his hand. Liam presses light kisses all along the shaft, barely touching him save for the incessant rubbing on his sensitive head. 

"Is this okay?" Liam whispers, his hand now stroking him again. He looked up at Louis, whose eyes were rolling into the back of his head. 

”Yeah. Yeah, Liam, fuck,” Louis hisses, falling back onto the mattress desperately. Liam smiles and finally takes him into his warm mouth. Louis fingers clench into a fist as he gasped at the feeling of it. He keeps his hand to himself, not wanting to freak Liam out by clutching his hair and fucking into his mouth. Liam sinks down impossibly farther, hollowing his cheeks in such a way that makes his legs tremble. Liam's cheeks are flushed and his eyes flutter at the effort of attending to Louis'. He is panting loudly, which should be embarrassing, but he can't help it. 

Liam is the definition of sin, his soft lips taking Louis into his mouth so smoothly. Liam sucks gently, as he bobs his head up, pulling off with a filthy popping noise. He kisses down his length again before taking him back in. This time sucking with more vigor. His hands have a vice grip on the underside of his knees, keeping his legs open, Liam pushes his legs even farther apart and takes him in deep. 

"I can't-" Louis manages to choke out. Liam hums around him for a brief moment then pulls off again. He glanced up at Louis, who was still on his back, his breathing erratic and his heartbeat clearly audible. 

"We can...do you want to?" Liam asked, his voice wavering. Louis could do nothing but nod vigorously. The two hurriedly readjusted themselves, Louis reaching for the condoms, Liam crawling on top of him. Louis prepared himself sloppily while Liam attended to the impossible condom wrapper. 

"You okay?" Liam murmurs, smoothing a hand Louis’ flushed cheek. Louis nodded vigorously, wrapping his arm around Liam’s neck as he felt him push inside him. He let out a breathy moan into Liam’s ear, relishing the feeling of him. 

Liam smiles softly, capturing Louis’ lips in soft kisses, slowly entering him to the hilt. "You sure?" Liam whispered after Louis whimpered when he bottomed out. 

Louis sucked in a breath through his teeth, digging his nails into Liam’s back. "Yeah, just—fuck." He opens his eyes and looks at Liam, his gaze heavy-lidded and intense. "You're, y'know. Big." 

"Do you want—" Liam he starts, but he's not even sure what he's going to say. He was waiting for Louis to tell him to stop, or that they were going too fast. Liam pulled away from his lips slightly, trying to meet his eyes.

But Louis shook his head and pulled him back. "No no, no," he says. His legs, sprawled open with Liam between them, spread even wider and he hooks his ankles around Liam's hips, pulling him closer. This causes Liam to slip in impossible deeper, making Louis’ eyes roll into the back of his head at the pure and sinful pleasure.

"Holy shit. Fuck. You’re flexible.” Liam grunts, his breath hot against Louis mouth.  
Liam holds Louis steady by the hips as he stops his movements to give Louis time to adjust, trying not to groan to loudly at how warm and tight Louis was. Louis grabs fistful of Liam’s short hair and groans, "fuck, fuck, fuck."

"You can move," Louis chokes out after a few seconds, and Liam draws his hips back a little before pushing back in, and Louis lets out a soft whine. Liam pulls back out again, still so slow, and Louis can do nothing but breathe deeply and pull at the soft hair in his hand. He loves how this feels, Liam covering him, holding his legs open, being so gentle it was almost infuriating. 

Liam runs his hands along Louis’ thighs, pushing his legs even farther apart, thumbs pressed into the tender skin behind his knees, marveling at how far he is spread, and how good he looks beneath him. He goes a little faster and Louis gasps moaning brokenly..

"I'm—oh, fuck, Liam, I'm gonna—" he pants out, and Liam doesn't even have a second to process it, can only watch as Louis shudders beneath him, splashing up onto his chest, cock pulsing and twitching untouched. He writhes against the bedcovers, panting, as Liam goes on, chasing his release. Louis moans even louder, feeling oversensitized and fucked out as Liam continues to fuck into him at a fast and hard pace. 

"Um," Liam croaks after he comes inside Louis. He can't think of anything else to say. He eases out of Louis slowly, moaning softly at the little mewls Louis emits. He runs his fingers through Louis sweat covered hair, pushing to out of his face. His heart flutters at how pretty this man is. 

Louis stares up at him, and a huge smile spreads across his face. He leans in and kissed Liam softly, once more. “Go take that off and get your ass back here. We are not finished.” Louis growled into Liam’s ear, motioning to the used condom. Liam grins and complies. Because he is not opposed to a second round. Not at all. 

~~~

Louis opened his eyes, revealing the sleeping face of Liam. He smiled slightly, reaching over and cupping his cheek. He looked even more pretty when he was sleeping, if that was even possible. Louis whispered in his ear softly, trying to coax him gently out of his slumber. Liam stirred, his eyes fluttering open to meet Louis. 

“Morning.” He said gruffly, sitting up slowly, stretching out his muscles as he did so. Louis bit his lip at the sight. 

“Sore?” Louis teased, poking him in the bicep. Liam rolled his eyes. 

“I should be asking you that.” Liam said lowly, crawling on top of Louis again, letting his body weight press Louis into the mattress. Louis smiled, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck again. 

“Hmmm. I’m terribly sore.” Louis said, kissing Liam softly on the lips. 

“Shame.” Liam said unapologetically. Louis smirked. He sighed when Liam moved his lips, pressing light kisses along Louis’ collarbones. 

“Stop.” Louis moaned, pushing Liam away. Liam looked confused as he gazed down at Louis. “I have to be at work in like…45 minutes.” He explained. 

“Fuck.” Liam huffed into Louis neck after he glanced at the clock. “I needed to be at work 20 minutes ago.” 

“Shit.” Louis said, pushing Liam off him, and hopping off the bed. Liam groaned for a few moments, then followed suit. He started searching for his clothes, which turned out to be a bigger feat than he thought. When he wad fully dresses and nearly running out of the apartment, he stopped and whirled around. 

“Lets…I mean…would it be stupid of me to ask if I could see you again?” Liam asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Louis smiled. 

“Not at all.” He replied. He held his hand out, and Liam placed his mobile in it. “Call me sometime.”

“I plan on it.” Liam said, pocketing the phone with a triumphant smile. He stepped closer, curling his fingers around Louis’ waist, pulling him in for one more kiss. It lased a little longer than anticipated. 

“I’m going to be late!” Louis complained into Liam’s mouth as they carried on kissing. Liam sighed and pulled away.

“I’ll call you.” He promised, before letting himself out of the flat. Louis sighed, not wanting him to go. But Liam went nonetheless, making Louis grumpy the rest of the day.

~~~

Louis returned home from a long day at the studio, sore, sweat covered, and still grumpy. It was not his best day, he had a lot on his mind. It got in the way of his dancing, and his instructors noticed.

He threw his things on the couch unceremoniously, and headed straight for the shower. He stripped his clothes slowly, letting the water warm up. When he finally stepped in, he let out a sigh of contentment. This was the highlight of his day, hands down. 

He took longer than he usually did, indulging himself in a long and satisfying shower. He only stepped out when the water had run cold. He pulled the shower curtain away and nearly slipped on the wet water when he noticed a figure in the doorway. 

“Jesus Christ, Harry! Scare the shit out of me why don’t you!” Louis yelled, placing a hand over his racing heart and grabbing a towel to cover him up. Harry smirked and rolled his eyes. 

“So sorry, Lou.” He said, flipping his dark brown curls from his eyes. He stepped into the bathroom, approaching Louis slowly. He stopped in front of him and ran his hands up his damp chest. “You look cute when you’re frightened, though.” 

“Glad you enjoyed yourself.” Louis said sardonically, shoving Harry’s hands away, and leaving the bathroom. He heard Harry grumble in annoyance behind him.

“Come on, Louis. Don’t be like that. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Harry reasoned, following him to the bedroom. Louis rolled his eyes as he stepped into his boxers. “Louis, will you just stop. I don’t want to fight. I missed you.”

“I wasn’t expecting you home tonight. I was planning on picking you up at the airport tomorrow.” Louis said, pulling a shirt over his bare chest. 

“I got an earlier flight.” Harry said simply. He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for Louis to say something. Louis eyed him carefully; he looked the same. Long limbs, green eyes, curly hair and the cute little dimples.

“Well. That’s good. Do you need help with your luggage?” Louis said after a long, tense pause. Harry frowned at him, his eyebrows creasing. 

“I’ve got it all handled.” Harry said. Louis nodded, then walked over to his side of the bed and pulled the comforter down. “Seriously, Louis? I’ve been gone for a month and you won’t even talk to me?”

“I’m tired, Harry. I had a long say, and I have to be up early tomorrow.” Louis snapped, narrowing his eyes at him. 

“Louis, please stop. I’m sorry. I told you I was sorry a million times.” Harry complained, running his hand through his hair, which he always did when he got frustrated. Louis rolled his eyes, and climbed into bed. “It was one fight, Louis. Why are you holding it against me?” 

“I’m holding it against you because you always do this, Harry. Whenever we fight you just take off. Believe it or not, hiking through the Gobi Desert solves nothing. I don’t care how many e-mails you send.” Louis said, turning the lamp off, letting the room go dark. 

“It’s my job, Louis. I can’t just not go. You know that. You’ve known that for years. I’m sorry the timing was bad, okay?” Harry said into the dark. He didn’t get a response from Louis. 

“Lou. Please talk to me. I really did miss you. I’m sorry I had to go. If I could have stayed I would have.” Harry pleaded. Louis still said nothing. “I’m trying, Louis. I’m trying to make this work because I love you. I really do. But I can’t do it if you keep shutting me out like this whenever I fuck up.” 

“Come to bed, Harry.” Louis said softly after he thought over Harry’s words. 

A few minutes later he felt the bed shift under Harry’s weight. Louis rolled over, feeling in the dark for him. Harry scooted closer, allowing Louis to rest his head on his chest. Harry let out a sigh of relief and carded his fingers through his hair, just like he always did. They lay in silence for a few minutes. Louis listens to the steady beating of Harry’s heart. 

“I’m sorry.” Louis finally whispered. “I’m glad you’re home.”

He felt Harry take his hand and lace their fingers together. Louis gulped, letting his guilt settle over his heart. His stomach twisted when Harry pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles. It was so sweet. Harry was always so sweet, so good to him. 

“I love you, Harry.” Louis croaked softly.

“I love you too, Boo. I truly, honestly, completely do. Even if I’m rubbish at showing it sometimes.” Harry replied, pressing his lips to Louis’ hand again. Louis didn’t reply, he just closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback would be amazing!


	2. Louis' Boyfriend

Louis fell in love when he was 20. He was young, but it was simple. He had just landed a job at the London Ballet. He was only in the corps, but he was young and had potential. Harry Styles was an intern for a photography company that took photos of the dancers for the year. Louis was nervous, and Harry grinned at him from behind that camera. 

That was when Louis felt that first gut wrenching love at first sight moments. Harry was lovely. He had this soft brown hair, and big eyes, pink lips, dimples, and a lovely jaw line. He looked so cuddly and interesting at the same time. 

Harry thought the same. After the photos were taken, he chatted Louis up. He accepted the invitation for a date the next day, because how could he say no? This gorgeous boy wanted to get to know him, and he thought he might pass out from all the butterflies fluttering in his stomach. 

He met Harry one day, and six months later he told Harry he loved him. Harry loved him too, and that was that. They were a thing. A great and beautiful and amazing thing. Louis was so smitten. 

But there was something off. Louis realized this from the beginning. There was nothing wrong with Harry. Or him. Or their relationship. He just always felt that something was missing. He used to attribute it to the fact that they were young, or that the relationship was new, or that they were still getting to know each other. 

But the years slipped by, and that feeling never went away. In fact, it only got stronger. Somewhere in the midst of all the years, Harry had landed his dream job. He was a photographer for National Geographic. He got to travel the world, seeing so many different sights and so many different cultures. 

A consequence of this amazing job, was the schedule. He was gone for months at a time. Trekking through deserts, climbing up mountains, eating all sorts of foods, and meeting all sorts of people. He got to see the world from the other side of a camera, just like he always wanted. And he loved it, but Harry always told Louis that he loved him more. 

So that was good enough for Louis. He waited patiently for Harry to return every time he left, never complaining too much, never judging him for wanting to go. And then he would come home, kiss Louis on the cheek, and everything would be okay. Only as long as he didn’t think about that dull ache in his chest whenever Harry was with him. 

In the past months, Louis had gotten more and more resentful toward his feelings. He didn’t understand why he always felt so lonely when Harry was holding him. He was his boyfriend; he was supposed to be the happiest when he was near. But he didn’t. And he never understood why. He loved Harry, he didn’t get why he was so angry. So, he took it out on the source of his problems. 

He had taken to picking fights with Harry whenever he could. And Harry would buy into it because he had a temper, and Louis knew just how to make it flare. But Harry always apologized, always owned up to his mistakes. Louis knew this should satisfy him, but it made him angrier. 

Couldn’t Harry see how trapped he felt? Couldn’t anyone around him see how unhappy he was? Obviously not, because according to all of his friends, they were perfect for each other. Everyone always commented on how comfortable they were together, how happy they looked, how in love they were. 

Louis didn’t know how to tell people that they might be wrong. He might have been lying to himself and to Harry when he said, “I love you” to him all those years ago. He figured he just needed to stick with it a little longer. 

He hoped that maybe, someday, he would learn to love Harry the right way.

~~~

Louis woke up in an empty bed. He sat up and glanced around. The pillow on Harry’s side was rumpled, letting him know that he didn’t imagined his return. The smell of coffee brewing wafted thought the open door to the bedroom, hitting Louis nostrils hard. He recoiled from the smell. He hated when Harry turned the coffee maker on. It made the flat smell horrid.

He sighed and rolled out of bed, patting at his messy hair and readjusting his twisted clothing. He entered the kitchen area to find Harry sitting at the table, sipping his coffee, flipping through a magazine, his brow furrowed in concentration. 

“Morning.” Louis greeted him with little enthusiasm. It was still really early, and he was not in the mood for cheer. He plucked the kettle off the stove and began to fill it with water for his morning tea.

“I love it when you’re grumpy in the morning.” Harry said with a smile, looking up from his magazine. Louis grunted in response, and turned the stove on to heat the water. “I missed you in the mornings.” 

“Hm.” Louis said with a slow nod. Harry chuckled and stood up from the table, approaching Louis in a few large steps. He wrapped him in his arms, pulling him into his firm but thin chest. Louis reciprocated the hug, taking a deep breath, inhaling the smell of Harry’s shirt.

“Are you still made at me?” Harry asked, pulling away and look down at Louis. He shook his head, indicating to Harry that he was forgiven. 

Harry smiled and tipped his chin up, stealing a kiss before stepping away from him and returning to his coffee. Louis sighed deeply, shaking his head at the tightness in his chest. Harry was completely oblivious to what Louis had done while he was away. Louis wondered briefly what Harry would say if he told him. Told him that he had sex with someone else in the bed that they shared. What Harry would say if he told him how much he loved it. He would probably be crushed. 

“I have to get the studio soon.” Louis said, pulling a mug from the cabinet. Harry looked up and nodded. 

“I have to stop by the office with my photos anyway. I have a lot of editing to do.” Harry told Louis, lifting his cup to his lips. Louis nodded, feeling better now that he didn’t have to leave Harry at home all day. 

“Good then. We should do something later tonight. Maybe get dinner or something. We can catch up. I want to hear all about how amazing Mongolia was.” Louis said, sending a small smile at Harry. His boyfriend beamed at him and nodded happily. 

“I would love that, Lou.” Harry told him. His green eyes were shining so bright that Louis could see them from all the way across the room. The kettle began to scream, capturing Louis’ attention away from Harry. 

Louis opened another cabinet to grab his tea bags out. When he pulled it out, he found it was empty. So he had to reach even higher to grab a new box off the shelf. He rolled on to his tiptoes, reaching upwards for the tea. The stretch caused a familiar sharp pain to shoot through his leg, making him recoil in discomfort. 

“Shit.” Louis muttered through a sharp breath. He put his hand over his left hip protectively, cupping the aching area protectively. 

“Are you okay?” Harry said, jumping from his chair and rushing over to him. Louis batted Harry’s hands away. Harry retracted his hands, but hovered over Louis protectively. 

"How's your hip?" Harry asked him softly. Louis blanched at the mention of his ailment. 

"I think I just tweaked the muscle." Louis shrugged. Shaking out his leg, trying not to let the pain show on his face. Harry didn’t seem convinced. 

"Did you ever go to a doctor? I mean, you've been in pain for months and I think-" Harry began, his brows furrowing in concern. 

"No, it’s not a big deal. I can dance just fine. It’s just a tweak." Louis promised. "Its not a problem. Really." 

"You're scrunching your nose, Lou. You're lying. Please will you just-" Harry said, placing his hands on Louis elbows gently. Louis tried not to recoil from the touch. He didn’t want Harry getting worried over something that didn’t matter. 

“I’m not. I just need to stretch it out. I’ll be okay.” Louis assured Harry. He patted him on the chest, trying to get him to back off. Harry reluctantly complied, still studying Louis. 

“Okay. You go get dressed. I’ll prepare your tea.” Harry offered, reaching up and plucking the new box off the shelf with no effort. Louis bristled at his height. 

“Thanks, H.” Louis tried to say cheerily. 

“No problem. Hurry. You don’t want to be late.” Harry said, pointing to the bedroom. Louis gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and left the kitchen, trying not to limp. There was a searing pain that throbbed as he walked, but he tried to ignore it. He didn’t want to worry anyone about something that didn’t even matter. 

~~~

"One two three four five six seven eight. One two three four-Louis chin up. One two..." Louis tried not to roll his eyes as he fixes his posture. He followed along with the dancers as they moved through the new routine they were being taught. With his head now held high, he threw his body into a flawless leap that he landed perfectly. 

"Stop there." Simon, the choreographer for the men commanded. All the boys dropped their positions and waited for further instruction. 

"This ballet is not just about technique, there needs to be passion! I know this is your job, but show me you care boys." Simon scolded, folding his arms over his chest. Louis smiled fondly at him. 

"From the top!" He commanded. 

All the boys hurried to the other side of the room to start over. Louis took a deep breath before letting his body take over. He barely thought about the way his muscles stretched, how far his back arched, or how high he jumped. All he could see was the faint smile on his lips as he watched his movements in the mirror. Simon was still yelling the counting at the boys danced, but Louis didn't mind. This was as natural a breathing for him, moving like this. Here, in the studio, under the scrutinizing eye of Simon, is when he felt truly happy. 

"That's gorgeous, Louis." Simon praised with a curt nod and faint grin. Not that Simon would ever admit it, but Louis was among his favorites. Louis tried not to beam with pride; instead he just continued to move his body in time with the counting. 

"We’re going to do it across the floor in pairs. Niall and Louis, center. The rest of you, move." Simon instructed, waving his hand at the group. The boys dispersed, leaving Louis and his best mate, Niall, with the floor of the studio to themselves. "Go through what we've practiced, and when you are done, move out of the way for the next pair. And one two…" 

Louis and Niall started at the beginning once again, going over the same choreography for what felt like the hundredth time that day, although, in reality it was probably only the tenth. The sequence they had been working on was short, so in no time him and Niall were clearing the floor as another pair of dancer took over. Simon continued to count and clap the beat out harshly as they danced. 

After nearly an hour, Simon stopped the music that had been on replay the entire class. "I think you've got it, boys." Simon said with a nod. "Tomorrow we'll polish it up. Get some rest now." He said, dismissing his class. They all headed over to their bags to clear out of the studio. 

"Do you have rehearsal today?" Niall asked him as he took a sip from his water. Louis nodded in the affirmative, brushing some sweaty hair from his face. 

"Yes. But I have a few hours. Want to go grab a bite?" He suggested, knowing his Irish friend wouldn't refuse. Niall's grin grew wide and patted Louis on the back.

"There's a reason we're best friends." Niall said seriously, collecting the rest of his things and following Louis back to the changing rooms. Louis simply grabbed a pair of sweatpants over his dance tights and slipped on his worn sneakers, since he had to come back anyway. Niall was free for the day so he took to stripping off his tights and back into more comfortable clothing. 

Louis was a principle dancer for the London ballet, which was really the best you could do in the world of dance companies. He loved what he did, but ever since he had gotten that coveted position, he had worked harder than he ever has in his life. Most of his day is spent in the studio or in his bed. But he thought it was worth it when he could stand in front of the audience and bow for a standing ovation. 

“How’s it going?” Niall asked, shoving his hands into his pockets as they walked down the street. 

“Fine.” Louis said simply, casting his eyes on the road. 

“You’re solo is coming along and all that?” Niall said causally, confused at his Louis’ standoffishness today. 

“Yep.” Louis said.

“You sure?” Niall asked carefully. Louis seemed really upset and he didn’t want to make it worse. 

“Yeah. Sorry. Harry came home last night so I’m a little tired.” Louis said, running his hands through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead. 

“That’s great! How is he?” Niall said, smiling at Louis. He was confused as to why Louis wasn’t more excited, but he didn’t want to ask. 

“He’s good.” Louis said, smiling stiffly. 

“Are you guy still fighting?” 

“No. We’re just…it’s just awkward.” Louis sighed. Niall gave him a confused look. Louis sputtered to cover it up. “Because of the way we left it before he left. It’s just…weird.”

“You’ll work it out. Don’t you always?” Niall said, and patted Louis on the shoulder. 

“Yeah. I guess.” Louis agreed halfheartedly. 

“I’m going out to dinner with Liam tonight. Do you guys want to join?” Niall asked. Louis nearly tripped on the pavement at the mention of Liam. A strange stir of emotions swirled through him. He wanted to ask about Liam, but he knew he shouldn’t. 

“Nah. Thanks thought. Harry and I have plans. We’re going on a date.” Louis said, smiling at how juvenile that sounded. Niall laughed happily tool. 

“Alright then. You two do that.” They fell into a silence once more. Louis was grateful that they were almost the sandwich place they always went to. Once Niall got food in front of him he would stop with his nosy questions. “I’m glad he’s home. You’re always happier when you’re with him.”

Louis glanced up at his friend, his hand frozen in front to the door to the restaurant. Niall smiled at him from where he was standing. There was a long pause before Louis returned the smile. He was happier when Harry was with him, right?

~~~

“Hello, Louis.” His instructor, Daniel, greeted him from the other side of the room when he walked into the studio that day. Louis smiled and waved, before setting his things down and slipping out of his sweats. “How are you?”

“Fine. How are you?” Daniel said, smiling at him. 

“Good.” Louis said, falling into the splits to begin his stretching. He was still warmed up from his class earlier, but he still wanted to limber up. Daniel nodded, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for Louis to finish up. Louis stood up after a few minutes, feeling loose and pliant.  
“Ready to get started?” Daniel asked him. He really liked Daniel. He was a great choreographer and teacher, and Louis always learned so much from their classes together. He wasn’t much older that Louis, but he was so much wiser. 

“Yeah.” Louis shrugged. Louis had been working on a solo for the first show of the season. It was a modern ballet showcase, and Louis was really excited about it. This was a chance to show everyone that he deserved his place as a principle dancer. 

“Okay. So I wanted to start with what we rehearsed last time. So from first position,” He said starting the music, and Louis situated his body. “And from the down beat, one, two, three…”

Louis started the solo with no trouble. He was only weeks away from performing it for the first time on stage, and he had it down. He was in the stages of perfecting his movements, which wasn’t a hard task for him. He took pride in his technique, and he knew he was good.

“Stop!” Daniel said, pushing the button the remote he was holding. Louis paused and dropped his arms, looking at Daniel expectantly. “I want to run through that jump series again. It was great, but you can do better.”

Louis nodded, crossing the floor and waiting for his instructions. “Okay. From the top, one, two, three, four…” Louis did as he was told, throwing his body into the vigorous series of leaps and jumps that his solo required. He listened to Daniel’s counting carefully and willed his body to become airborne over and over again. 

“Start again. I want to see height. This is the climax of the dance. This is where you’re breaking out of what’s keeping you chained down. This is supposed to be symbolic of freedom, of finding yourself. I want to see how happy that makes you!” Daniel explained, placing his hands on his hips. 

“Right.” Louis nodded, crossing the floor again to run though the jumps again. Daniel told him to begin, and Louis did. He pushed off the floor with strength and power, making sure that his movements were fluid and graceful. He was approaching the biggest leap of the series, and he was determined to make it good. 

He planted his foot on the floor just long enough to give him the leverage to spring into a leap. Somewhere in between the push off and the landing, his hip sent a deafening popping noise, sending a biting pain throughout Louis’ body. He recoiled in midair, landing in a crumpled heap in the studio floor. 

“Louis!” Daniel exclaimed, he voice full of alarm. He rushed over to the fallen dancer, placing a soft hand on his shoulder. “What happened? Are you okay? Can you get up? Can you move?” 

“Yeah. Yeah I’m okay.” Louis said, sitting up slowly, trying to ignore the protest from his body. His face scrunched in pain, and he had to bite his lips to keep from crying out. Daniel started muttering about getting a physician, talking to the director, and taking a break.

“It’s your hip again. You said it was better.” Daniel accused after a moment. Louis looked down at the floor, his hip throbbing. 

“It was. It just…surprises me sometimes.” He explained, rubbing at his leg. 

“Try and stand up.” Daniel said, gripping his bicep to give him assistance in getting on his feet. Louis did so quite reluctantly, his body screaming for him not to the whole way up. “Let me see you try and walk.”

Louis sighed, knowing that would be a near impossible task. He tried his best not to limp as he walked the length of the studio floor. Daniel clucked disapprovingly. 

“We’re three weeks out from opening night. I’m not taking any chances. You need to see a doctor, Louis. I’m not letting you back into the building until you do.” Daniel said sternly. “You’re the best we have. You need to get to the bottom of this.”

“Yeah. Yeah, alright.” Louis agreed reluctantly, not liking the prospect of an actual injury. 

“I’ll call into the company doctor right now. I’ll give you a call and let you know when the appointment is. Now I want you to go home and get off your feet for the time being.”

“But-“ Louis tried to argue. 

“No buts. I’m not going to fuck around about this.” Daniel interrupted, slinging an arm behind Louis’ back to help him walk from the room. Louis limped along with him, knowing that he was defeated. 

“Okay.” Louis sighed. He felt to helpless and weak with Daniel helping him walk. He knew he could do it himself. He didn’t want to fawned over because he was in pain. He didn’t need it. 

~~~

Niall raised an eyebrow at Liam, who was grinning like an idiot on the other side of the table. He was picking at the food on his plate and looking off into the distance with stars in his eyes. When Niall invited Liam out for dinner that night, he was not expecting to see his otherwise serious friend in such a state. 

“What’s gotten into you?” Niall said through a mouthful of burger. Liam jumped slightly at the interruption to his daydreaming. He glanced up to Niall, who was staring at him expectantly. 

“Nothing.” Liam insisted quickly. Niall stared at him for a few moments before shrugging and taking a sip of his water. 

“You look like a love sick puppy.” Niall accused, shoving another bite of burger into his mouth. Liam winced at Niall’s atrocious manners. 

“You always say that.” Liam said airily, picking at his food again. 

“But today more than ever.” Niall shrugged. 

“I’ve had a good day. London isn’t so bad after all.” Liam said carefully. That got him grinning all over again. His first official night out in London had been a massive success, and he hoped for many more. Preferably with an extremely flexible dancer with the loveliest blue eyes in all of England. 

“See. I told you! After all those months of begging you to move here, you finally agree that it’s a good idea.” Niall cheered triumphantly, throwing his arms into the air. Liam rolled his eyes at Niall’s happiness over something so trivial.

“You’re so wise.” Liam said sarcastically. “So, did you have a good night?” 

“Yeah. Sorry I ditched you. I couldn’t help it.” Niall chuckled at the suggestive face Liam was giving him. 

“It’s okay. Louis was fine company.” Liam said, a small smile tugging on his lips. He felt smug; keeping the secret of the handsome boy he had met last night. 

“Yeah? I’m glad you think so. Sometimes he’s a little much to handle.” Niall said, shaking his head. Louis was great, but a little overbearing sometimes. He was always overwhelming to new people. 

“He was very nice. I had a lovely time.” Liam said modestly, spearing a piece of his chicken slowly, trying to look natural. 

“Good! We’ll have to meet up with him again sometime! And maybe he can bring Harry along. They’re an absolute riot together.” His blonde friend suggested. Niall was ecstatic that his two best friends had gotten on so well. He wanted Liam to feel welcome. 

“Who’s Harry?” Liam asked, tilting his head to the side. Initially, he wasn’t worried at the mention of a guy. He couldn’t possibly be Louis’ boyfriend, right? Perhaps he was a roommate he didn’t mention, or a friend, or maybe a cousin?

“Louis’ boyfriend.” Niall clarified, and Liam nearly choked on his tongue. “Did he not mention him last night? Weird. He usually talks about him all the time. But he’s gone a lot, he’s like, a photographer for National Geographic, so he travels all the time. Maybe he was just missing him or something.” 

“Boyfriend, huh?” Liam said, thanking god that he wasn’t blushing. He wanted to kick himself in the ass, right now. Hard. Really hard. He slept with another bloke’s boyfriend; just hours after they’d met. 

“Yep. Been together for a long tim. I think they hit four years a couple months ago. I’m not quite sure.” Niall shrugged. He had a fond smile on his face that made Liam want to die. 

“Four years?” He choked out. If it was even possible, he felt like even more of a dick than he did a few seconds ago. 

“Yeah. And going strong. Harry absolutely adores Louis. And Louis loves being adored. They’re a good match. I think you’d like him.” Niall explained, oblivious to the inner turmoil going on at Liam’s end. 

“Well. Good then.” Liam said awkwardly, shoving more food in his mouth to avoid talking. Niall’s eyebrows furrowed at Liam’s strange behavior.

“You sure you’re having a good time in London? You don’t need to lie to me.” Niall prodded, looking at his friend with concern. Liam wanted to laugh at how ridiculous the all was. He just wanted to tell Niall the truth, but he couldn’t.

“Yeah. I’m having a great time.” Liam said, stabbing some broccoli with his fork, imagining it was the face of the blue-eyed dancer he met last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on Louis and Harry? :)


	3. What Happened Here

The day wasn’t hectic. His office days never were. All he had to do was flip through his photos and choose the ones that he felt fit the story the best. He had a pretty easy gig, and it paid fairly well, which was an added bonus. Not to mention that it was his dream job. Harry didn’t think he had a bad life at all. At least, he didn’t think so until his boss had a problem with him. Then all hell broke loose. 

His boss, Zayn Malik, was a scary person. He wasn’t much older than Harry, but he landed himself a job as an editor. Everything Harry did went through Zayn, which was nerve-wracking because it was always difficult to read him. 

Now, considering the “incident” (as Louis liked to call it), Harry was more on edge than usual. 

“Harry. A word?” Zayn called from his office. His tone wasn’t kind, and Harry tensed up immediately. He stood from his desk and smoothed out his trousers before entering Zayn’s office. 

“Hey. Long time, no see, eh?” Harry said, smiling slightly trying to hide how uncomfortable he was. He toyed with a bracelet around his wrist and attempted to look anywhere but right a Zayn. 

“Sure was. How was Asia?” Zayn asked, waving him inside. Harry stepped over the threshold, sat down gingerly in one of the fancy chairs across from the desk. 

“It was great. Mongolia is really beautiful. You’d like it.” Harry smiled. Zayn rolled his eyes. 

“Are your photos ready for me?” He asked, pointedly ignoring Harry’s pleasantries. 

“Er. No. Well I only got home last night. And I’ve been in the office for,” Harry glanced over that the clock on the wall. “…about two hours.” 

“I have a lot of work to do, Harry. That Mongolia piece is going into next month’s issue, which goes to print in three days. I don’t have time for you.” Zayn barked, glaring at Harry. 

“I’ll have them by the end of the day.” Harry promised, visibly deflating after Zayn’s outburst. “Zayn if this is about-“ Harry began, but was cut off with a sharp glare from Zayn. 

“No. This is about me having too much work to do to worry about you. So please, finish your work and get out of my hair.” Zayn said sternly, only stopping his rant when his phone started ringing. “That’ll be all, Harry.” Zayn said before picking up the phone. 

Harry sighed and pushed himself out of the chair and leaving the office. His shouldered were slumped as he shuffled back to his desk. His life wasn’t bad, accept for the fact that he was caught up in very awkward misunderstanding/argument with two very important people in his life. 

“Why the long face, Harold?” Perrie, whose cubicle was directly across from his. She was writer, who seemed to spend more time gossiping than actually working. 

“That’s not my name, Perrie.” Harry sighed, throwing himself into his uncomfortable swivel chair. 

“Someone’s grumpy. You’re always in a good mood on your first day back.” Perrie observed, wheeling her chair into his cubicle. She shoved herself into the small space and propped her feet up on his desk. “Was the welcome home sex not as good?”

“What welcome home sex?” Harry groaned miserably. Perrie hummed her sympathies. “I’m lucky Louis even let me sleep in the same bed as him.”

“What’d you do this time?” She asked, hitting him in the arm. 

“Why do you think it was me?” Harry complained while rubbing his sore arm. The girl was small but she packed a mean punch. 

“Because Louis is perfectly lovely and you are a huge twat.” Perry said with a small shrug. “And isn’t it always your fault?”

“Seems that way.” Harry said. “I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s wrong, you know? I just feel like we’ve been fighting all the time.” He told her. His fingers raked through his hair anxiously. 

“I bet it’s just a phase. Like the seven-year itch or the three-year snooze. Perhaps like…the four-year tension?” Harry scoffed at her. “Or something.”

“Maybe. I’m overreacting.” Harry said, slumping in the chair. 

“You need to do something to get the flame going again. Like…a vacation or something. Just you and Louis on a beach somewhere, which as everyone knows is the predecessor to hot hot hot sex.” Perrie said, clapping her hands excitedly. 

“There’s no way we could get away. With Louis’ dancing and my crazy schedule, there’s no way.” Harry informed her, shoving her feet from his desk. She huffed at the gesture, but didn’t try to move back into place. 

“Maybe just a weekend?” Perrie amended hopefully. “Look, all I’m saying is that you need to make time for each other. Weather its on a beach or in your flat. Just…make time for him.” 

“Easier said than done.” Harry huffed.

“Yeah. But it’s that or risking letting him go.” She whispered with a low voice. 

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Harry chuckled, picking up a pen and fiddling with it idly. Perrie smiled and patted him on the shoulder. 

~~~

Louis was sitting on the couch, his feet propped up, watching a footy match on tv. His eyes were glazed over and his arms were wrapped tightly over his chest. He was seconds away from exploding. Every minute he checked his watched, his anger growing more. 

Harry was the one that was so enthusiastic about the date in the first place. Louis just suggested it as a passing comment. But Harry was the one who had been texting him all day making plans. Typical of him not to come through, Louis thought to himself. 

“You’re late.” He snapped when Harry finally walked through the door. Harry’s face looked disappointed and apologetic. Louis decided not to acknowledge the fact that Harry probably had a rational explanation. He chose to focus on the mistake instead. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I got caught up. I got here as soon as I could.” Harry explained, coming into the living room cautiously, watching Louis nervously. 

“You could have called. I’ve been waiting for almost two hours, Harry.” Louis fumed, kicking his feet off the table so he could stand. He was assuming his argument stance, which is something he was far too used to lately. 

“I wasn’t thinking. I got swamped.” Harry defended, stepping closer. Louis held up a hand, stopping him in his tracks. He watched Harry’s face for a few moments before letting out a long breath.

“So how’s Zayn then?” Louis spat as venomously as he could. Harry gaped at Louis for a long time. The air was tense, ignited with the pent up anger from Louis that was being taken out on his unsuspecting boyfriend. 

“You’ve got be fucking kidding me, Louis.” Harry said lowly, his voice sharp and low. His anger was simmering. Louis could tell. It was under control right now. Harry always made an attempt to stay calm. But Louis always managed to get him to blow up.

“No. I’m not fucking kidding you, Harry. You must have had adequate time to catch up, yeah?” Louis said with a menacing smirk. “Did you give him my regards?” 

“Louis.” Harry warned dangerously. 

“What?” Louis said innocently, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Stop.” Harry said sternly. 

“Why?”

“Because it’s nothing.” Harry snapped, his voice wavering. His anger was building even more. “And you know it!”

“Oh, you have got some fucking nerve, Harry.” Louis laughed humorously. Harry balled his fists at his sides. Louis watched a crimson flush cover his pale skin. 

“Excuse me?” He grinded out through clenched teeth. 

“I said, You have some fucking nerve to tell me it’s nothing.” Louis repeated. He threw his hands up into the air in an exasperated gesture. “God! This is exactly what I’m talking about, Harry!” 

“What are you talking about Lou? Because I’ll I’m hearing is what I’ve done wrong, how I’ve fucked up, how I can’t measure up.” Harry said, letting his temper take over. It didn’t talk much to get him to buy into an argument. 

“Oh spare me.” Louis glowered. Harry’s eyes darkened so much that Louis could see it from his stop across the room. “Don’t be such a drama queen.”

“Right, because that’s your specialty isn’t it, Louis?” Harry said mockingly. 

“This is about you not being able to acknowledge a problem like an adult. Instead of talking things over you brush them off like its nothing. When it clearly is.” Louis pointed a finger at him, raising his voice a few decibels. 

“It’s only a problem because you’re making it one. We’ve been over this hundreds of times. I don’t understand why you always latch on to the stupidest things and give me hell about it for months.” Harry replied, matching the volume. 

“It’s a problem, Harry, because it clearly is bothering me. And you are acting like you couldn’t give a shit.” Louis said, pressing his hand on his hips. He assumed a defiant pose, one he was using too much these days. 

“Because I don’t, Louis! I don’t! And frankly, this argument is getting pretty fucking old.” Harry exploded. His long limbs flew up around him and his gruff voice got more intimidating with the anger that was laced into he words. It made Louis start visibly. 

“No. You and your shit attitude about anything other than your stupid job is what’s getting old, Harry.” Louis retorted, trying to calm his hands, which were shaking furiously. 

“I see what this is. Here we go again! Let’s play another round of ‘Let’s blame Harry.’” Harry said, nodding his head furiously. “Everything’s my fault, huh? My job, my friends, my schedule, my priorities! Right?”

“Yes! Because you clearly haven’t gotten your priorities straight!” Louis hurled back, pointing his accusatory finger at Harry again. 

“What! What have I done wrong? I’m sorry that my job is my main priority right now, okay? I’m trying to make something out of myself. We’ve been over this before, Louis. What the fuck do you want me to do?” Harry said. He was clearly exhausted over the topic, but Louis wasn’t letting it go. 

“ME! Goddammit, Harry. Maybe make some time for me once in a while! I know I don’t pay you a cushy salary but I thought I was worth more than a second thought!” Louis shot back, somehow getting the courage to say what had been on his mind for too long. 

“You know that isn’t true, Louis.” Harry said, deflating significantly.

“But I’m not your top priority.” Louis provided folding his arms over his chest and hugging himself tightly. 

“Louis! Why are you twisting my words like that? You know that’s not what I meant.” Harry said desperately. His entire body was slack. There was a slight slump in his shoulders that indicated to Louis how tired he was. 

“Because that’s how it feels, Harry. You’re off prancing around the world, and I’m here, downing in all out unresolved issues that you won’t acknowledge. If you would just get your head out of the clouds for two seconds you might actually see what’s going on here.” Louis explained, his voice suddenly even. 

“What’s going on here?” Harry said, meeting Louis’ eyes slowly. 

“You’re killing me, Harry. I’m fucking suffocating in the house, in the fucking relationship and I have had it up to here,” Louis raised a hand far above his head, “ with your shit. We’re imploding, Harry. Not that you would notice. Because you’re never here.”

“Louis-“ Harry sputtered. 

“I am nearing the end of my sanity. I don’t know how much longer I can be here and pretend there is anything left. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Harry.” Louis told him hollowly. 

“Do what? Be with me? What are you saying, Louis?” Harry stumbled over his words. His eyes were frantic and alert. 

“I’m sleeping at Niall’s.” Louis told him. He stomped over to the coat closet, grabbing a jacket from the hanger. Harry just watched him, a stunned look on his face. Louis gave him one last glare before opening the door and letting it slam shut behind him furiously. 

Taking all the words he left unsaid along with him.

~~~

A few minutes later, Louis showed up at Niall’s door, completely exhausted. He prayed to whatever god would listen that Niall wasn’t with a girl. He knocked frantically and loudly. He was always filled to the brim with nervous energy after an argument and today was worse than the others. 

Niall came to the door, looking rumpled from sleep and very confused. His face fell when he took in Louis dismayed expression. His arms opened with no preamble, letting Louis launch himself into his arms in a moment of very unmanly weakness. Niall hold him in the doorway for a few moments, rocking Louis back and forth, comforting him silently. 

Louis closed his eyes and clung to Niall. He didn’t feel sad about the fight. He felt on edge and so so angry. He was furious with Harry and with himself for being so stupid. Niall rubbed his back in soft circles, allowing Louis to breath heavily into his chest. 

“What happened now?” Niall asked when Louis finally pulled away. 

“It was bad. I said some things…” Louis said. He grimaced that the fresh memories of the fight. He shook his head and let himself into the apartment slowly, letting his feet drag below him. 

“Alcohol?” Niall offered. Without waiting for a reply he disappeared into he kitchen. He reemerged with cold pizza and a bottle of whisky tucked into his arm and a couple shot glasses clutched in his hand. Louis smiled gratefully at his best friend.

“Bless you, Niall.” He said gratefully. He helped himself to two quick shots before digging into the pizza. He stuffed his face and drank in intervals, trying to erase the memories of the argument. 

“Are you ever gonna tell me what happened?” Niall asked him. He poured another shot into his glass and dumped it back, then peered at Louis with curious eyes. Louis shrugged. 

“I’m pretty sure I told him I was ready to break up.” Louis said through a mouthful of pizza. Niall’s jaw fell open so fast that Louis nearly missed it during a blink. 

“You’re kidding.” Niall gasped, almost scandalized.

“I wish I was.” Louis said miserably. 

“What did he say?” Niall urged eagerly. 

“Nothing. I left right after. I just…I’m sick of it you know? All his shit. I’m just done.” Louis explained, falling back into the couch. 

“So are you ready to break up then?” Niall asked. 

“I don’t know.” Louis groaned. “But I shouldn’t have said it like that. You should have seen his face. He looked so crushed. He doesn’t deserve my shit either. I’m sure he’s as sick of my shit as I am of his. We’re just stuck in a big pile of shit. And it sucks.”

“Wow.” Niall said. “Are you going to go home or…” 

“No way. I’m shacking up here until further notice.” Louis said, popping the remainder of food into his mouth. 

“Fair enough.” Niall told him with a shrug and settled back onto the couch, ready to play psychiatrist for his best friend. 

“And to top it off, Daniel kicked me out of the studio until I get my hip check out, and the only time any office can see me is on Thursday. Everything is going wrong at the wrong time. I’m probably going to lose my spot.” Louis told him despondently. 

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Lou. You’ve been fine for months. How bad could it be? And even if it is bad, you still have the rest of your contract. They can’t kick you out because of an injury. So as long as you’re good to go by audition time, you’ll be fine.” Niall reasoned. 

“And if I’m not? I have nothing. No skills, no education. What am I supposed to do?” Louis complained. 

“That doesn’t matter. You aren’t going to loose your spot, Louis. You won’t.” Niall assured him confidently. Louis sighed heavily. 

He hoped that Niall was right. 

~~~

A few days after the fight, Louis was still ignoring Harry’s calls. He was also dwelling on the fact that Liam hadn’t called. Niall had made a few comments about him, but Louis didn’t want to seem suspicious so he didn’t broach the topic. But he wanted to know why Liam didn’t contact him. Maybe he was losing his touch. After being a relationship for so long, maybe he lost his initial appeal to men. 

“Louis Tomlinson?” The receptionist called to him. Louis looked up from his phone and stood up nervously. He was nervous for the news. He held his x-rays close to his chest and he walked to toward the desk. “We’re ready for you now.” 

 

“Okay. Come on back.” Louis nodded. The receptionist smiled and waved him back.  
She pointed to the doors that lead back to the offices and exam rooms. She handed him off to a nurse, who took his height and weight, saying that it was standard procedure for a visit. Once she was done, she left him in an exam room by himself, saying that someone would be with him soon. 

Louis tried to keep himself busy, to stop his mind from racing. He flipped through a gossip magazine, not really taking in anything on the pages. He glanced at his watch. He’d been waiting for 10 minutes now. He looked back at the magazine in his lap, his foot tapping nervously. 

Finally the door opened and Louis whipped his head up and swallowed hard. Liam stood in front of him in a slick pair of khakis, and a soft blue button up shirt. There was a pair of glasses resting on the top of his head, making him look smart and sexy at the same time. “Shit.” He said out loud when they’re eyes met. 

“Louis.” Liam breathed, starting at the clipboard. He bit his lip and let the door fall closed behind him. They just looked at each other for a few moments; letting the awkwardness sink in. “I was going to call you.”

“Sure you were.” Louis said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Liam looked down at his shoes, shifting his weight on his feet. 

“I really was-I just…” Liam started, and trailed off. 

“Whatever.”

“It would have been nice to know that you had a boyfriend before you took me home.” Liam said, finally looking up at Louis. His heart sunk at Liam’s icy glare. 

“I-“

“I talked to Niall. Said you and- what’s his name? Harry? Had been together for 4 years.” Liam said coldly, folding his arms over his chest. He practically spat when he said Harry’s name, causing him to flinch. “He went on and on about how in love and happy you guys are.”

“Liam I never-“

“Whatever, Louis. I don’t care. I should have known you were too good to be true.” Liam sighed, leaning back against the door. They looked at each other again, staring the other down, not sure what to say. 

“I’m sorry.” Louis said softly, looking down at a hole in his sweatpants. 

“Me too.” Liam said dully.

“I thought you told me that you weren’t a doctor.” Louis said, narrowing his eyes at the man in front of him. 

“I’m not. I’m a physician’s assistant. We’re backed up, so I’m taking over some of Dr. Cates’ appointments.” Liam sighed, readjusting the clipboard in his arms. “Look, I’m sorry about the wait, but I don’t think it would be professional for me to conduct your examination. So I’ll just reschedule you a time to see the doctor.” 

Liam turned and started opening the door to leave when Louis called back to him, “No! Wait!” Liam sighed at turned around, looking back at the blue-eyed man. 

“Please, Liam. I’m sorry about this fucked up coincidence, but I have to be examined today. I need to get this checked out before my instructors let me dance again. I can’t waste anymore time.” Louis said, standing up. “I’ve been trying to get to the bottom of this for months, but no one can tell me. This is my career, I can’t wait.” 

“Fine. Just know I’m not confortable with this at all.” Liam said, turning back to Louis. “Let me look at those.” He pointed to the photos of x-rays Louis had brought with him. Louis gave him a grateful smile as he handed them over. 

Liam the x-rays out and stuck them to a light board on the opposite wall. Louis watched with wary eyes as Liam flipped a switch, causing the board to light up and illuminate the pictures. Liam rubbed his chin as he examined the pictures. 

“How long have you been having this pain?" Liam asked, glancing over at Louis. 

"A few months. Everyone said it wasn't a big deal. I'm a professional dancer. I can't let ever ache and pain keep me down." Louis told him, his irritation flaring. 

“Okay.” Liam nodded. “Can you explain it? What it feels like?”

“It pops. Whenever I do anything. It pops. I can feel it. And it’s like, pins and needles when I do. But when I’m not, it’s like the dull sore ache on my hips. It’s really uncomfortable most of the time.” Louis said, putting a hand on his sore hip. 

“Okay. Will you lay on the table, on your back?” Liam asked him, pointing to the cushioned table in the room. Louis bit his lip, now starting to feel a little uncomfortable. He did as Liam asked, shutting his eyes, trying not to look at him. He jumped when he felt Liam’s hand prodding at his hip. 

“I’m going to touch you…just…” Liam said, putting his hand on the back of Louis’ calf hesitantly. “Just don’t get freaked out or anything.” Louis nodded, trying not to focus too much in Liam’s hands touching him. He tried not to remember what it felt like to be touched by him, how good it felt. 

Liam pushed his knee toward his chest. Louis winced, and Liam noticed. “I need you to tell me when it hurts.”

“That hurts.” Louis said, clenching his hands into tight fists. Liam rolled his leg in a circular motion, pressing his fingers into his hip soft, feeling the soft pops every time he move. Louis grimaced. “That hurts a lot.” 

Liam pulled away, setting his leg down gently. Louis suddenly felt cold in all the places where Liam’s warm hands used to be. He rubbed at his chin staring at the photo with great intensity. 

“I’ll be right back.” He said, pulling the x-rays and heading for the door. “10 or15 minutes, tops.” 

Louis swallowed thickly, nodding at Liam. He left the room and the door shut behind him with a harsh click that made his stomach turn. It was bad. He could feel it. He knew it wasn’t going to be good news. Now he had to sit here alone, worrying about everything that could go wrong. He bit at his lip, played with his fingers, hyperventilated, fidgeted while he waited. He was about to start screaming when Liam slipped back into the room. 

"Seems that you have a complete tear of your acetabular labrum." Liam said as he placed the x-rays back up. Louis raised his eyebrow. Liam pulled his pen from its perch on his ear and pointed to the x-ray. "The labrum is the cartilage and connective tissue that lines the rim of the hip socket, or acetabulum. It acts as a cushion; it prevents the bones from rubbing against each other. When it tears, to causes the bones to rub together, causing the pain you’re experiencing."

"And?" Louis asked, not caring for the specifics. "What does that mean for me?" 

"With a complete tear like this, surgery is your only option. Or the pain will continue and cause irreversible damage to the bone.”

"And if I don't?" 

"You're never going to dance again. And you would cause problems that will impact you the rest of your life. You can't go forever on an injured hip. At least with surgery there is a chance you'll be able to dance again."

"And how long will that take?" Louis groaned, rubbing at the sore hip absent-mindedly. 

"Luckily it wouldn’t be an invasive procedure. If you get it as soon as possible, I'd say 5-6 months to get full mobility back. You’d probably be dancing lightly by sixth week. But if all goes well, you'd be good as new and you’ll be able to resume your training by the end of the year."

"I can't. I can't do that! I'll lose my spot. Do you have any idea that what I went through, how hard I worked, to get where I am? I can't just...stop. I'll lose everything.” Louis slumped into his chair. 

"I'm sorry. But it's surgery or never dance again." Liam shrugged. 

"FUCK!" Louis yelled and hit the wall behind him. Liam jumped at the outburst. He hated when people got angry. He was better at consoling crying people than calming down angry people. 

"I can recommend some of the best orthopedic surgeons in London. I know this isn't ideal, but at least you'll get taken care of." Liam offered, trying to keep his voice even. Louis rubbed at his face with his hands. 

"You're sure that's what wrong? You people get it wrong sometimes."

“I'm very positive this is not a misdiagnosis. I even spoke to both doctors that are working today." Liam assured him, picking up a clipboard. And started scratching away. "I recommend Dr. Jennings. His office is just upstairs. He has experience with dancers like you so I'm sure he'll do the best he can. Maybe even give you a second opinion on the diagnosis."

Liam held a piece of paper out to Louis, his face stoic. Louis felt like his world was imploding and Liam didn’t even care. Louis looked at the paper, frowning deeply. 

“I’m not.” Louis said suddenly. Liam scrunched his eyebrows together, looking at Louis curiously. 

“What?” He said, his head cocking to the side. 

“Happy. With Harry. I know it’s not an excuse. But it’s a reason. And to be honest, I don’t really regret it.” Louis snatched the paper from Liam’s grip and turned on his heel, trying to flee. His sudden confidence was gone now he felt silly that he said that. 

Liam just gaped at Louis. He could do nothing but watch him leave. He wanted to call out to him, tell him to wait, and say that again. Look at him with those eyes and flash him that smile. Explain to him why he could possible want him over his long-term boyfriend. But Liam couldn’t do anything but watch him leave.

~~~

Louis let himself into his apartment with a heavy sigh. He took in the room. It was clean, cleaner than he’d left it. And it smelled like coffee and Harry. He dropped his jacket into the coat closet carelessly and entered farther into his home. He felt sort of like an outsider here, even though he’s only been gone a few days. 

Harry tended to clean when he was upset. The more thorough the clean, the more upset he was. And it seemed that Harry had done a pretty good job. The living room and was immaculate. Everything was in its place and gleaming. It all freshly polished and dusted. 

He entered the kitchen and looked around. It looked the same; only today there was only one mug in the sink. Louis bit his lip at the sight, imagining Harry drinking his coffee in the morning, and not having Louis there to harass. He figured that must have felt pretty lonely. 

He left the kitchen and entered the bedroom. The bed was made and both pillows fluffed and looked inviting. The room looked cleaner as well. Louis’ clothes were cleaned up from the floor, the end tables were organized and the closet door was shut, which almost never happened. 

He shook his head and walked into the bathroom. It smelled like bleach and shampoo. It had obviously been cleaned as well. The towels were neatly looped over the towel rack. His heart sunk when he took in his favorite white towel hanging in it’s rightful spot, next to Harry’s which was still damp. 

He turned and looked at the sink, which was as spotless as the rest of the apartment. The cup holding their toothbrushes stood in the corner, leaving his green toothbrush on display next to Harry’s. Louis frowned at the sight. Harry was obviously waiting for him to come home, and he’s been nothing but selfish. 

He felt the hot tears prickle in his eyes menacingly. He cursed himself out and threw the door shut, locking it for good measure. He didn’t cry often, only when he was stressed or really sad, and right now he was both. He was a horrible dancer and a horrible boyfriend. He didn’t even know where to begin to fix either. 

“Lou?” Harry said on the other side of the door. Louis’ head snapped up from where it was resting in his arms, a loud sob caught in his throat. He was startled at the interruption. He wiped the tears from his face hastily. “Is that you?”

“Yeah. I’m just finishing up in the bathroom.” Louis called, trying to make his voice even. He heard Harry’s heavy breaths on the other side of the door. He turned the faucet on and threw cold water on his face. 

“Are you okay?” Harry asked, fiddling with the bathroom doorknob. Louis was relieved that he had thought to lock it. Louis shook his head, sending water droplets flying onto the mirror.

“Yes. I’m fine.” Louis replied curtly, reaching for a hand towel and wiping at his face. 

“Are you crying?” Harry asked, his voice now softer. Louis cursed him for knowing him so well. The gentle tone in Harry’s voice made him even more upset. He shouldn’t be so fucking sweet right now.

“No.” Louis denied as another sob threatened to bubble up in his throat. His eyes filled with tears again. “Fuck.” He cursed and smacked the porcelain sink with his palm. The hot tears spilled over onto his damp cheeks. 

“Louis. Please let me in.” Harry pleased, knocking softly. 

“No! I just…” He trailed off, biting his lip. 

“Lou.” Harry said so softly he almost couldn’t hear it through the door. “Baby, please. I know you’re mad at me, but I don’t want to hear you like this. Just…let me in.” Louis closed his eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears in. 

Louis sucked in a shaky breath and turned the lock on the door slowly. He pulled the door open cautiously. He was so embarrassed that Harry had to see him like this. He wanted to have an adult conversation with Harry, instead all he could do was cry like a little girl. “You’re home early.” 

“Oh, Louis.” Harry sighed, pulling him into a tight hug. Louis could feel the soft cotton of Harry’s shirt absorbing his tears when he buried his face into his chest. He felt Harry’s lips ghosting along his forehead. The feeling of the familiar warmness made him break down into another round of hysteric sobbing. 

“I’m sorry.” He sobbed into Harry’s chest, grabbing at his shirt and holding on tightly. “I’m so sorry I said those things. I didn’t mean it. I don’t want to break up. I don’t want to hurt you, Harry.” 

“Shhh.” Harry whispered into his hair. His strong arms held Louis firmly and snuggly to him. “I know, Louis. I’m sorry too. Please stop crying.” 

“I don’t know why I’m crying I just came home the house and saw my toothbrush and realized what a dick I was being. Nothing is your fault. It’s just a rough patch, right? We can figure it out.” Louis said, his sobbing was reduced to wet hiccupping.

“Yeah. We’ll figure it out. We always do, don’t we?” Harry chuckled, kissing Louis’ head softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

~~~

“What was that all about?” Harry asked softly into Louis hair as they lounged on their bed. Louis was tucked under Harry’s arm and Harry was toying with Louis’ hair on instinct. I felt normal, like it always has. The tv in the bedroom was on at a low volume, providing a distraction of the tension became too much. So far it wasn’t a problem. They were chatting idly, avoiding sensitive topics. 

“Hmmm?” Louis hummed, looking away from the tv that had caught his attention. Harry chuckled softly and kissed his temple gently.

“I said what was that all about? Earlier in the bathroom. You know, with the crying?” Harry asked, twirling a strand of Louis short hair around his finger. 

“Oh.” Louis said. “I’m not sure. I guess I was just stressed and upset and it all just came out at once.”

“You know that’s the second time I’ve ever seen you cry?” Harry told him. His long fingers carded into Louis’ feathery hair softly. 

“Really?” Louis asked, tipping into Harry’s hand. 

“Yep. The only other time is when you gran died.” Harry said thoughtfully while letting his fingers drag across Louis scalp. Louis keened into the touch. He was really tired and relaxed right now. His brain couldn’t really operate at a high frequency. 

“Weird.” Louis said. Harry nodded his head, letting them fall back into a silence. Louis curled deeper into Harry’s side. He loved the warmth that radiated from his body.

Nearly a half our passed in silence. Harry continued to play with Louis hair, as his eyes grew heavy. He was hardly able to stay awake. He didn’t complain. It all felt so good. Being here with Harry and not saying anything. This is where he felt safe. 

“Louis?” Harry finally broke the quiet. His voice sounded a little shy. 

“Yeah?” Louis grunted through the haze of relaxation. 

“Can I kiss you?” Harry finally asked his tone flustered. Louis sat up and raised an eyebrow at him. Harry cheeks tinged red as he grinned demurely at Louis. 

“Did you just ask permission to kiss me?” Louis laughed. “We’ve been together for four years, Harry. I think we’re past that, don’t you?”

“Yeah. But I wasn’t sure.” Harry said, looking away, letting his eyes fall away from Louis. He laughed again and cupped Harry’s cheek softly, bringing his face to his. They smiled at each other stupidly before closing the distance between their lips. 

Louis smiled into the kiss, keeping in chaste for a few moments so he could relish the feel of Harry plump lips under his own. They hadn’t had a proper kiss in over a month. Harry started to respond eagerly, working at Louis lips at a different pace then him. This caused Louis to chuckle at his enthusiasm. He complied with the pace that Harry set, letting the kiss deepen. Harry licked into his mouth, letting his tongue explore the depth of his mouth. The wet glide of their mouths felt so good, and Louis allowed himself to get lost in Harry. 

Harry rolled over on top of him so he could straddle his waist. Louis accommodated the action by placing his hands on the nonexistent curves of Harry’s waist. Harry pulled away from the kiss and grinned stupidly up at him. Louis smiled back, tipping his head into he pillow as Harry started suckling softly into the skin on his neck. 

“I want you to fuck me tonight.” Harry informed him, rutting his hips into Louis. Louis could feel hardening dick into his leg. “Can we do that?” Louis smiled widely, nodding at Harry. Of course they could. There is never any reason to deny Harry sex. 

“Like this?” Louis asked, rolling his hips back into Harry’s. Harry tipped his head back and groaned at the contact. 

“No. No. I want you to fuck me on my back. That’s my favorite.” Harry purred into Louis’ ear before connecting their lips again. Louis smirked into the kiss, pushing Harry off him.

“Get your clothes off, now.” He demanded, pulling at his own pajamas. They pulled their clothing off in a frenzied fashion. It was a little difficult, since neither boy wanted to get off the bed to do so. Finally, Harry was stripped naked and sprawled out on the sheets. Louis was down to his boxers, eyeing Harry hungrily. 

Louis crawled in-between his legs, spreading them farther as he did so. Harry just eyes him wantonly, letting him do whatever he wanted. There was so much trust swimming in his wide eyes. Louis bit his lip, looking away quickly. 

Louis wrapped a sure hand around Harry, stoking him quickly. Harry keened at the touch, pushing his hips into Louis’ hand desperately. “No, Louis. Just come on.” Harry pleaded, still bucking up into his fist. 

“Shh.” Louis whispered, leaning down to press of soft kiss to his collarbone. “I’ve got you.” He put more pressure on Harry and pumped faster, smiling at the reaction he got from Harry. Harry’s hand’s felt around, fumbling to open the bedside table. Louis watched his struggle as he stroked him slowly.

Finally, Harry threw the lube at him with orders to stop teasing. Louis laughed evilly and pushed Harry’s legs up, encouraging him to hold them open. Louis applied some lube to his fingers and immediately got to work open Harry up. His fingers traced around the rim, eliciting some more shameless moaning from Harry. 

Harry squeaked when he pushed the first finger in. His entire body jerked at the intrusion. This reaction only encouraged Louis, who began to drag the finger in and out slowly. Louis tried to hold in a moan at the feeling of Harry’s tight heat around his finger. He worked in two, then three fingers in mercilessly. Teasing Harry to no end. Harry was a writhing mess underneath Louis skilled fingers. 

If Louis was an expert on anything, it was Harry’s body. After four years, he knew exactly how to curl his fingers, how much pressure to apply, and how long to fuck Harry with his fingers to render him speechless. He knew what Harry wanted, every kiss and touch was memorized, almost a second nature to him.

“Louis!” Harry yelled, his hips thrusting madly. This is when Louis knew he was ready. When Harry was the most desperate is when Louis liked to fuck him. He was nothing but a pile of long limbed jelly under his touch. Louis loved Harry like this. 

He reached into the table to pull out a condom. He ripped it open slowly, meeting Harry’s expectant gaze and he tore into the foil. Harry licked his lips, breathing heavily as he watched Louis roll the condom over himself. Once everything was in place, Louis pounced on his needy boyfriend. 

“Oh fuck.” Harry groaned as Louis rocked into him slowly. Louis had Harry’s legs thrown over his shoulders, and Harry’s fingers laced with his. His lips peppered kisses along his neck as he shallowly bucked in and out, letting Harry get used to the feeling of him inside. They hadn’t had sex in such a long time and Harry was so tight and warm, Louis felt like he might explode. He restrained himself for Harry’s sake.

“You good?” Louis asked breathlessly into his ear. Harry whined in reply, arching into Louis’ body. Louis chuckled chuckled, talking that as a yes. He pulled out slowly, leaving in only the tip of his pulsing dick resting at Harry’s entrance, before snapping his hips quickly. 

“Jesus!” Harry moaned out, squeezing Louis’ fingers tightly at the feeling. “Oh god, Louis. Feels so good.” Harry said breathlessly, his eyes were shut tightly, tossing his head from side to side. “Missed feeling you.”

“Yeah? Did you miss my cock, baby?” Louis grunted as he slammed in his hips again. His rhythm was slow and hard, just like Harry liked it. Harry moaned at Louis reply, only able to nod his head in reply. He pulled out and slammed back in, finding that spot that made Harry cry out loudly and arch off the bed. 

“Louis!” He yelped as Louis ground his dick into that bundle of nerves that drove him crazy. “Oh god. You always fuck me so good.” Harry moaned, opening his eyed to look at Louis. He grinned at the boy underneath him, his green eyes were blown wide with lust. 

“Ung, harder!” Louis leaned down and kissed Harry softly, starting up the brutal rhythm of his hips again. The sweet kiss was a huge contradiction to the way Louis was driving into Harry over and over again, making no sign that he was going to stop any time soon. 

“I’m going to wreck you, Harry.” Louis assured him, his lips brushing his flushed cheek. Harry sighed blissfully as he continued to take what Louis was giving him. Louis readjusted his grip on Harry’s legs so that he could push him toward his chest, changing the angle at which his cock pushed into Harry. “Put your hands onto the headboard.” 

Harry gasped and obeyed his instructions. His wrapped his long fingers around the headboard and held it so tight that it rocked along with Harry has Louis started fucking him again. This time he went harder, and faster. Harry was almost folded in half and moaning loudly as Louis was able to find his prostate over and over again in this position. 

Harry’s mouth fell slack as he moaned his appreciation loudly. Louis continued to kiss him softly. On his neck, lips, forehead, anywhere he could easily reach with his lips. His hip was starting to ache at the repeated exertion, and his was growing tired. Minutes ticked by and Louis kept on. Filling Harry over and over again as Harry howled in appreciation. 

“Lou…please!” Harry gasped, thrusting his hips up to meet Louis. Louis chuckled, knowing what Harry was asking for. He reached in between their bodies, wrapping his hand around Harry’s pulsing member. He began stroking it slowly, pumping him firmly. His hips slowed down to a shallow thrust and he captured Harry’s lips. He slowed down, pushing Harry over the edge gently, relishing the fifthly sounds he could coax out of him. 

Harry came undone with a shout, releasing the headboard and wrapping his arms around Louis’ shoulders and pulling him to his chest. Louis lost balance and feel into him as he came himself, filling the condom with a groan that be buried into Harry’s neck. 

They stayed like that for a while, attempting to catch the breath that had lost them in the bliss of their climax. Louis decided that this wasn’t so bad. One of the reasons that he’d fallen so hard for Harry in the first place was because the sex was so amazing. And four years later the consensus remained the same. 

“That was amazing.” Harry said dreamily, running his hands up Louis’ damp back slowly. His fingernails dig in gently, pulling at his warm skin. Louis leaned into the touch with closed eyes. Right now he was so lost in Harry, the way he smelled, the way he felt, the way it felt to be pressed together. 

“Yeah. Can’t believe we put that off for so long.” Louis agreed, rolling off Harry and falling into the sheets beside him. Harry smiled slowly, finding Louis hand and lacing their fingers together. 

“God, I love you.” Harry breathed out, shaking his head. He tried to pull Louis closer so that they could cuddle. He looked at him curiously when Louis refused. 

“Clean up, now. Cuddles later.” Louis said, pushing himself off the mattress to wipe up the mess that was all over him. Harry complained, but followed after him willingly. They crowded into the bathroom, knocking limbs and exchanging sloppy kisses. Eventually, they decided that they may as well take a shower, which resulted in an incredible blowjob from Harry. 

When they were finally clean and satisfied, they changed the sheets on the bed and curled up underneath the fluffy blanket without bothering to put on clothes. Louis rested his head on Harry’s chest, and Harry wrapped an arm around him. They were pressed close together, like they always were. 

As he listened to Harry’s heartbeat as they drifted of to sleep, Harry almost forgot about everything that was bothering him about their relationship. 

Almost.

~~~

Louis was buried in the warm cushions of his couch. He’d been there all day. And the day before that. And he had no intention of moving. He’d been at back home for a few days, and him and Harry were still working things out. Ever since the night they spent together, he’d been smiling a lot more. The days leading up to his surgery were still long. 

He hadn’t told Harry that he was scheduled for surgery yet. He didn’t know how. He didn’t want to worry him. He figured it wasn’t that big of a deal. He told Harry that he got the week off to rest up. Harry didn’t really understand the world of dance, so he didn’t think anything of it. 

Harry was scheduled to leave to Brazil the day before the surgery, and he wasn’t expected to be home until a few weeks later. Louis didn’t want to take Harry away from his precious job. So Louis figured that he could have the surgery while Harry was gone, and then be recovered enough to keep it from him when he got back. It was a worry free plan. 

So he spent his days lazing around the apartment, watching tv, eating food and sleeping. Which he was trying to do when his phone started ringing. He checked the caller ID, but didn’t recognize it, so he answered it anyway. 

“Hello?” He said, his eyes still closed. The ringing of his phone and pulled him from the beginnings of yet another nap, and he was still a little groggy. 

“Louis?” A voice said on the other line.

“Yeah.” Louis confirmed, sitting up slightly. 

“It’s Liam.” Louis sat up, eyes wide. 

“Hi.” He said lamely. Louis was too stunned to say much else. 

“Look. I don’t want to be like… ‘the other woman’ or whatever. I’m not that kind of guy. But I…I just.” Liam began, rambling off. “I don’t know what’s going on or what the fuck I’m thinking. I just… I know that I can’t get you out of my head. Fuck Louis. I can’t stop thinking about you.” 

“Yeah?” Louis asked. He wasn’t sure what to say. He couldn’t decide if he should tell Liam to fuck off or listen for more. He should hang up now. He should be focusing on his relationship with Harry. He should be thinking about his boyfriend. 

“Yeah. God yeah. You’re just so…I don’t know what it is. I just need to see you again. I’ve tried to talk my self out of this, I have. But I can’t.” Liam was breathing heavily, Louis could tell. He was nervous. 

“What are you saying, Liam?” Louis asked, needing to be absolutely sure he was understanding this correctly. 

“I’m saying that I want to see you again. Definitely.” Liam said. His deep voice was confident and unsure at the same time. Just like Louis was feeling torn and compelled at the same time. 

“Again like…” Louis lead Liam into the next question. 

“Like that night, yeah.” Liam confirmed. Louis nearly dropped the phone. Liam was propositioning him over the phone, and he wasn’t rejecting him. He should be saying no. He should hang up right now.

“And Harry?” He asked. 

“What about him?” Liam said seriously. 

“You’re serious?” Louis asked. He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. 

“I…yeah. I am.” Liam stated. “If you want, that is.”

“I think…” Louis said slowly. No. No. No. He should say no. It’s wrong. It’s vile. What kind of person does this to their boyfriend? No. He needs to say no.

“I’d really like to see you again as well, Liam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh dear, what are you going to do, louis??
> 
> Team Liam or Team Harry??:D


	4. Under the Weather

“Are you sure you have everything?” Louis asked Harry as he stepped away from the ticketing counter. He had just checked all his bags in and was only left with his heavy camera bag as a carryon. Harry smiled and gave him a small peck on the lips in thanks. 

“Yes. That’s everything.” Harry nodded. He grabbed Louis hand in his and coaxed him closer. The activity of the airport was rushing all around them and Harry only seemed to be focusing on him. 

“I don’t want you to forget something again. Remember when you went to Mali and forgot all of your underwear? It’ll be a pain to try and buy something you need if you leave it.” Louis said, tucking his hands into Harry’s back pockets, letting their chests bump together. 

“I’m sure I have everything. I followed all three of your packing lists. That’s why I have some many bags.” Harry smiled, kissing Louis on the nose lightly. 

“I just want to make sure you’re comfortable. You’ll be gone for a long time.” Louis said, pressing his head into Harry’s neck and breathing deeply. 

“I know. I’ll be home before you know it. Just in time for your solo, okay?” Harry promised, rubbing his back slowly. Louis froze at the mention of his dancing. There was no way that he was going to be dancing after his surgery, and he had yet to tell Harry. Part of him had hoped Harry forgot altogether. 

“Right.” Louis said. 

“I’ll miss you.” Harry said, his lips grazing Louis cheek. 

“Me too.” Louis said, pulling away. He knew Harry was going to start running behind if they didn’t cut this short. 

“I love you. I’ll figure out Skype and let you know when we can talk.” Harry promised. He grabbed Louis cheeks and pulled him in for a soft kiss. It wasn’t needy or possessive. It was just a goodbye kiss. 

“I love you, H. Have a good flight.” Louis said, stealing just one more kiss before Harry had to pull away and join the security line. Louis watched Harry walk away and felt that familiar pang of loneliness. But it wasn’t as strong as it used to be. He knew he wouldn’t miss Harry as much as he should while he’s away, and that’s that saddest part. 

He gave Harry a final wave and small smile before he turned his back and left Harry behind.  
~~~  
Louis took a deep breath and knocked on the apartment door. He made plans to meet Liam after he dropped Harry off at the airport. He was texted the address and here he was. Every fiber in his body was screaming for him to walk away, but his feet stayed firmly planted. 

The door opened, revealing a nervous looking Liam. Louis was glad to see he wasn’t the only one. They smiled awkwardly at each other as Louis stepped inside the apartment. It was a decent sized place. It was quite tidy was well, and its most charming feature, was the way it smelled. It smelled just like Liam, a fact that calmed Louis nerves significantly for some reason. 

“Hi.” Liam finally said. He didn’t seem to know what to say to someone you were planning on cheating with either. 

“Hi.” Louis replied, running his fingers through his hair. They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. 

“Do you want a beer?” Liam finally asked.

“God yes.” Louis said with a relieved sigh. Alcohol is what got them into this mess in the first place, but Louis didn’t think he could have this conversation without it. They made their way to the kitchen, and Louis thanked Liam when he handed him a can of beer. They drank in silence, both studying each other, attempting to assess the situation. 

“Okay. So. Should we talk about this or…” Liam asked when he finished his first beer. 

“Probably.” Louis decided. “We should totally talk.”

“You and Harry. What’s the deal there?” Liam started. Louis sighed. It was a fair question, but that didn’t mean he was keen on answering it.

“Nothing really. That’s the problem. But I’m stuck between ending four years and trying to work things out. Both options just feel wrong somehow, you know?” Louis attempted to relate his feelings. Liam nodded solemnly. 

“And I fit into this how? Are you doing it out of spite, loneliness, I dunno…for fun?” Liam questioned. He was rubbing his hands on his thighs nervously. 

“I’m exploring my options. Maybe if I can feel something I can’t with Harry, maybe it’ll be a sign that I need to walk away. And if not…then I don’t know.” Louis shrugged.

“So…basically you’re saying that you’ll choose Harry.” Liam said dryly.

“No. I’m saying I don’t know.” Louis clarified. “I like you. Those few hours in the pub with you really meant something to me. I like being with you. I want to get to know you. And if something comes from it, great, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.” 

“This sounds complicated.” Liam sighed. 

“I can leave. I know it’s pretty shitty what I’m asking you to do.” Louis told him. “If you don’t want to I’ll walk away. I won’t pressure you or anything.” 

“I really don’t want you to do that.” Liam said lowly. “I want a chance.”

“For what?” Louis chuckled softly. 

“To be what you need.” Liam said earnestly, holding his hand out to Louis, who was at a loss for words. He slipped his hand into Liam’s and let him tug him closer. Pretty soon Liam’s lips were ghosting over his, teasing him and asking for permission at the same time.

“Yeah. Okay. Yeah.” Louis said, wrapping his arms around Liam’s shoulders and pulling their mouths together. Liam’s lips covered his in a soft brush, sealing their deal. The second their lips touched said, all the worrying, all the guilt, all the other shit he didn’t want to deal with went away. There was only Liam and him in the moment. And that was pretty amazing. 

They were barely able to make it to the bedroom before they were completely stripped down. As far as cliché goes, it was so wrong, but felt so right. 

~~~

"So, how are you, Lou?" Niall asked gently as they drove to the hospital the following day. 

"I'm fine? Do I not look fine?" Louis defended quickly. 

"You look great. I just know that Harry is-" Niall started and cut off when Louis held up his hand sternly. 

"I told you that we don’t talk about him when he isn't here." Louis reminded his friend. 

"You're allowed to miss him, Louis." Niall told him. Louis was silent. He wanted to tell Niall that he didn’t miss Harry. Not like you should miss your boyfriend. He was okay with going days without talking. He was okay with sleeping alone. He was okay that he cheated on him not too long ago.

"I do. I miss him-I just...don't want to dwell on the fact." Louis lied, looking at the ground. 

"Where's he this time?" 

"Brazil. Some rainforest article, I think." He said dismissively, looking out the window. 

"How long?" Niall prodded. 

"Few weeks. I don’t know. I didn’t really ask." Louis said. “I’ve had a lot on my mind.” 

"Hmm." Niall responded. It sounded quite judgmental to Louis, and he didn’t like that one bit. 

"Can we please not talk about him?" He snapped. 

“Sure. Whatever. Are you nervous?” Niall said in order to change the subject. Louis sighed, not thrilled about this topic either but he figured it was better than nothing. 

“Yeah. A little.” Louis said shakily. “I mean…my entire career is riding on this surgery. I’m just worried about something going wrong.” 

“You’ll be fine.” Niall said. “And I’ll be there the whole time. Then I’ll take you home and laugh at you in your drugged up state.”

“Thanks.” Louis said, cracking a small smile. “That’s so selfless of you.” 

“That’s what best friends are for.” Niall said. “Speaking of, I invited Liam along to your place tonight. He’s been so busy with school and work; he hardly has time to make friends. And he wanted to do something and I told him I was looking after you. I thought it might be fun. Is that okay?”

“Sure. Yeah.” Louis agreed quickly. The mention on Liam’s name made his heart race and his face get all hot. “I’ll probably be zonked out anyway. I’ll be good to have someone to entertain you.”

“Does it bother you that Harry isn’t here?” Niall asked suddenly. “That he chose to work instead of being here? I know how much it bothers you that he’s such a workaholic.”

“A little. But I avoided that problem by not even telling him.” Louis told Niall. His best friend made a choking noise and slammed on the breaks, making their entrance into the parking stall an entire ordeal. Louis jerked forward that the force and groaned in protest. 

“Are you serious, Louis?” Niall said hotly. He shut of the engine and yanked out the keys in frustration. “You didn’t tell him you were getting a surgery that could possible end your career? What the fuck is the matter with you?”

“What happened to being optimistic?” Louis asked evasively, taking off his seatbelt. 

“That was before I realized you’re a total twat!” Niall yelled, throwing off his seatbelt and getting out of the car. 

“What? I knew it would cause an argument. He would be irritated that he missed work, overbearing because he worries, then I would get irritated because he’s resenting me, feel claustrophobic because he’s fawning over me, then we would argue for days over nothing.” Louis explained as they made their way to the entrance. “I avoided a problem by not even making it a problem.”

“Do you do that often?” Niall asked. Louis raised an eyebrow at him, not sure what he meant. “Do you deliberately lie to him to avoid talking about things? I know I’m shit at relationships but that isn’t healthy, Louis.” 

“Well we don’t have much of a healthy relationship in any respect right now, in case you haven’t noticed.” Louis snapped. 

“That’s because you’re doing shit like this.” Niall told him. He was looking at Louis like he had just gunned down everyone in the room. His blue eyes were swimming with concern, disappointment, and anger. It unnerved Louis to be look at that way.

Louis ended the conversation by talking to the receptionist about his appointment. She smiled at him warmly and gave him paper work and instructions on how to proceed. Niall followed after him, his arms crossed, his anger still heavy between the two. At least he hadn’t left, so Louis figured they’d be good for now. Louis filled out the papers, talked to the receptionist again, and was soon directed to a room to wait for the doctor. 

The Dr. Jennings and anesthesiologist came in shortly after and talked to Louis. They showed him diagrams of the procedure and explained how it would work. Most of it made Louis cringe, it was disgusting to think about any of that happening to his body. He nodded and followed their instructions, trying not to freak out. 

He was settled on his gurney in a flimsy hospital gown when the anesthesiologist started to work his magic. There was a small prick on his arm making him jump. An IV was inserted to his skin, and looking at it made him nauseous. A little later everything went black. 

When he opened his eyes he was dizzy. The first thing he saw was Niall staring at him seriously. He had to close his eyes again to stop the spinning. He heard faint chattering above him. He was too focused on not vomiting to listen to what they were saying. The next thing he noticed was the pain in his lower body. The only place not throbbing was the tips of his fingers. 

“Louis.” A deep voice said to him. He reluctantly opened his eyes again, and this time was met with Dr. Jennings’ face. “How do you feel?”

“Like shit.” He croaked. His throat was uncomfortably dry. Niall was suddenly at his side and a water cup with a bendy straw was shoved into his face. He lifted his arm slowly, feeling really sluggish, and took the cup. 

“That’s to be expected. Coming off of anesthesia can do that. You might feel nauseous for a few days. I recommend very little movement. I mean, only get up to go to the bathroom. If you experience any kind of appetite loss, that’s normal as well. Drink lots of liquid and avoid heavy foods because your stomach might be upset.” He said to Niall more than him. 

“Your surgery was a success, everything looks good. My office will contact you with information about starting physical therapy, but that won’t be for a few weeks. I’ve written up a prescription for some hydromorphone for the first few days. After that I recommend ibuprofen for pain and to reduce swelling.”

“Thanks.” Louis said, handing the cup back to Niall and dropping his head back down. 

“I’ll let you rest for a while. A nurse will come fetch you in a while and you can go home. If there is anything wrong, don’t hesitate to call, okay?” Dr. Jennings said. Louis nodded and Niall thanked him. 

Louis lay in the bed for a while, staring at the ceiling. Eventually he felt good enough to be hoisted out of the bed and into a wheelchair to be helped out of the hospital. He felt groggy and confused, but let Niall take him wherever he wanted. 

~~~

The next time he was conscious, he was on his couch somehow. He was slightly alarmed until he saw Niall sitting next to him, watching TV. Louis groaned, still feeling like crap. Niall glanced over at him, a small smirk on his lips. 

“Didn’t you have rehearsal today?” Louis asked hoarsely. His mouth was really dry again and it pained him to say even a few words. Niall handed him a cup of water without even looking away from the TV. He was a good friend, Louis decided. 

“I took the day off. Someone had to look after you.” Niall said, still not looking away. There was some sort of footy match on, but Louis was too concerned with the pain coursing through his veins to notice what was going on. 

“Thanks.” Louis said, sipping at his water slowly. Niall shrugged as if it was no big deal. But this close to opening night, it was a big deal. 

“Liam will be over soon. I just got off the phone with him.” Niall told him while he turned up the volume. Louis nodded. “I know you guys don’t really know each other, but I thought he would be good to have around…since he like know stuff. About surgery. And I think you guys could be friends.”   
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.” Louis said. He tried to sound uninterested, but he couldn’t help the way his voice caught at the mention of Liam. A knock sounded at the door, making Louis seize up. 

“That’s him I bet. I am about bloody time. I’m starving.” Niall said, hopping off the couch to let him in. Louis tried to smooth down his hair, which was sure to be a mess. It was useless, he thought. He looked like shit anyway. 

“Hi Louis.” Liam said, waving to him as he entered the living room. “I brought you some popsicles, saltines, gelatin, and of course, bran muffins.” Liam told him, holding up the bag. 

“Uh. Thanks, that’s really thoughtful.” Louis said. He hoped to god that Niall didn’t notice the blush on his cheeks. 

“No problem. It’s the medical professional in me. You’re not going to feeling too good for a few days, and I want to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible.” Liam said. “Now, I’m going to go put this stuff in the kitchen. When did you last take your pain medication?”

“He hasn’t taken anything since the hospital. The meds are in the kitchen.” Niall said. “Where’s my food, Liam?” Liam rolled his eyes and handed him another bag, which Niall pulled a sandwich from. The sight of it made Louis stomach turn, and he had to look away. Liam showed himself to the kitchen without announcement, making Louis smile at how comfortable he felt already. 

“Okay.” Liam said when he reemerged from the kitchen a pill and cup of water in his hand. He helped Louis sit up; trying to make sure his hip wasn’t disturbed. Louis took the pill and drank the water obediently, and then forced down the crackers Liam shoved into his face. 

Niall just ate his sandwich, not paying attention to the small smiles they kept exchanging. Liam fussed over Louis like an overprotective mother. He made sure the pillows his head was resting on were comfortable; he changed the ice pack on his hip; made sure he stayed hydrated. But no matter what ridiculous thing Liam decided to fix, Louis didn’t mind. 

He was different than Harry when it came to nurturing. Harry was a worrier, and he always voiced his concern in a very unhelpful manner. Liam just pointed out what he wanted to be fixed, and he did it. Even if Louis argued with him, he did it anyway. Harry would just argue back until he got too fed up and walked away, or just give in to Louis protests. 

When Liam finally deemed everything was okay, he sat down on the couch next to Louis; careful not to disturb the footrest Louis was propped up on. He didn’t say anything when he say down, he just took Louis hand in his discreetly and allowed him to rest. Louis squeezed Liam’s hand, as if to say ‘thank you’ which Liam just shrugged at, and let him drift into an easy sleep. 

~~~

Harry had a long Layover in New York. It was going to be a day or two before he could catch a flight out of the city, so he had to settle into a hotel with the journalist assigned to the project with him. He was exhausted by the time they settled into the room, and Harry immediately crashed on the bed. He considered trying to get a hold of Louis, but when he realized it wasn’t a good time in England, he dismissed the idea and fell asleep. 

Jade Thirwall was pretty good company. She was intelligent and had a veracious appetite for adventure. Her and Harry were often paired for exotic stories that took them on all sorts of expeditions. Harry wouldn’t say he was very close with her, but they had a good time traveling together. 

He was not pleased with her when she woke him a few hours later. 

“Come to dinner with me!” She pleaded, shaking his shoulders. Harry just groaned and tried to push her away, but she was determined to get him out of bed. He eventually consented with a scowl. 

“I hate you so much right now.” He told her through a yawn. She just laughed and shook her head. She pulled him into a cab, looking excitedly at the city. Harry had to admit it was exciting to be in New York, but he still wasn’t in the mood for it. 

He missed his bed and his boyfriend. 

That’s how he ended up in this pub in the middle of a city that he didn’t know, with a girl that seemed more interested in the guy she was flirting with than the person she came with. He could never turn down bar food, and he was starving. So he convinced himself he was okay with eating and drinking by himself, trying not to get irritated at Jade. 

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing out all alone on a Saturday night?” A blonde man asked him in a high voice that reminded him of Louis. The guy smiled at him with shiny teeth and perfectly groomed hair, and Harry couldn’t help but smile back. He didn’t protest when he took up the seat next to him. 

“I used to be here with a friend, but I suppose she found better company.” Harry said, nodding over in Jade’s direction. He began picking at the soggy chips on his plate. 

“Shitty friend.” The mystery man said. He looked in Jade’s direction momentarily. “You’re a long way from home.” 

“Yeah.” Harry shrugged. “I guess.”

“What brings you to the city that never sleeps?” He asked, sweeping his arms around dramatically. “Business or pleasure?”

“Layover. I’m waiting on a flight for my flight to Florida.” Harry informed him. 

“Ah. Going to beach then?” He laughed. 

“Nope. Brazil. Florida is just another stop.” Harry replied. 

“You’re quite the globe trotter.” He said, leaning in closer to Harry. “Let me guess. Trust fund brat burning his inheritance?”

“Try again.” Harry laughed, shaking his head.

“Secret agent.” 

“Not quite.” He smirked. 

“Model.” He asked, licking his lips. 

“Flattering, but no. I’m a photographer.” Harry told him to stop the ridiculous guessing game. It was amusing, but extremely inappropriate. He was flirting. Harry couldn’t do flirting. 

“That was my next guess.” He said with a wink. Harry chuckled and studied his eyes, trying to decide what this guy wanted. 

“Sure it was.” Harry said sarcastically. He tried not to laugh. It was bad when cute guys made you laugh in bars. 

“I’m Jeremy.” He finally introduced himself. 

“Harry.”

“Well Harry the sexy British photographer, would it be to forward if I asked you if you wanted to get out of here?” Jeremey said, letting his hand curl over Harry’s thigh. He stared at it, for a moment. His mouth opened and closed, suddenly flustered. He knew this feeling. It was hesitation. He wanted to accept his advances, even if it was the wrong answer. 

It was tempting. Of course it was. Jeremy was cute and friendly. And Harry was lonely and tired and confused. He was still upset over the state of his relationship. It was crumbling and he knew it. Louis obviously knew it too. So could he really be blamed for hesitating?

“I have a boyfriend back home.” Harry finally blurted, not pushing the hand on his thigh away. Jeremy sighed, disappointed. He kept staring at it. Appreciating the way his warm hands made his whole leg warm. 

“What a lucky bastard.” Jeremy said while shaking his head. His eyes surveyed Harry shamelessly. Starting on his face and ending on his shoes that were dangling off the bar stool. “You really are quite stunning.” 

“Er. Thanks.” Harry said, running a hand through his hair. 

“Christ.” Jeremy said, watching as he did so. “It’s just not fair.”

“Sorry, mate.” Harry chuckled, patting him on the shoulder. At that Jeremy took his hand back and pushed himself off the chair.

“If you didn’t have a boyfriend, would you have considered it?” Jeremy asked as he slid out of his stool. 

“I think so. Yeah.” Harry nodded. Jeremy was cute enough. He was exactly the type of guy he pursued, or would pursue if he weren’t in a relationship. 

“Good enough for me.” He gave Harry one final smile before walking away, back to a table of people who Harry assumed were his friends. They all looked over at him as Jeremy spoke, making Harry blush. 

Feeling defeated, he decided to go tell Jade he was leaving.

~~~

When Louis woke up again, he was in his bed feeling a million time better. It seemed that all he need was a good night’s sleep. He was still in pain, but he didn’t feel like vomit whenever he had to blink, so he counted that as a win. 

“You’re up!” Liam said, poking his head in the door. Louis smiled at him slightly. 

“You’re still here.” Louis observed, pulling himself up into a sitting position. 

“Of course I am. I told Niall I’d play nurse today. He had to go into the studio, and it’s my day off so it’s not a problem.” He explained, coming over the bed and sitting carefully at the edge of the mattress. 

“That’s really sweet.” Louis said, opening up his palm and inviting Liam’s hand into his. Liam consented, letting their fingers curl together. “If I wasn’t practically immobile right now, you would be very generously compensated for your trouble.” 

“Oh really?” Liam said, his voice lowering. A filthy smile spread over his lips. “Do tell.”

“Hah. I’m not going to dirty talk to you when I haven’t showered in days and my body hurts so much I want to light this building on fire.” Louis said, shoving Liam away playfully. Liam laughed and captured his other free hand in his.

“Fine.” Liam sighed wistfully. “Lets talk about something else then.” 

“Like what?” Louis asked, dropping his head back onto the pillow. Liam crawled onto the bad and fell into the spot next to him. Right in Harry’s spot. He curled up into Louis side and rested his head gently on his shoulder.

“I want to know everything about you.” Liam said, letting his arm fall over his stomach. “Tell me everything.” 

“We already talked for like five hours about ourselves last time we hung out.” Louis groaned. 

“I know. But you only told me the basic stuff. I want to know everything else. You know…like your favorite memories, places, movies…Everything that makes you, Louis.” Louis could feel Liam’s shrug against his side and he smiled. 

Louis smiled softly and agreed. And that’s how he spent him day. Curled up with Liam on the bed laughing and talking. There was nothing else but Liam’s lame stories about his childhood dog and Louis embarrassing story about his first kiss. It was nice. 

In fact, it was the best day he’d had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little shorter. I think its more of a filler...before the good stuff starts. When Harry comes home...thats when shit will hit the proverbial fan. 
> 
> Team Harry or Team Liam?? 
> 
> Thanks for all the support!


	5. Too Many Secrets

The thing is, Harry isn’t a bad person. Not really. Sure, he had flaws. In face, he’s almost positive he has more than most normal people. But that doesn’t make him a bad person. He loves his mother, respects his father, and is kind to his sister. He is s strong believer in serving others. He loves to meet new people, and is always kind to them.

He’s a little prideful. He doesn’t like to admit that he’s wrong or that he needs help. He doesn’t like to talk to people about his problems. He had a short temper, which he tries to work on, but he’s a very passionate person and always gets caught in the heat of the moment. He isn’t good with words either, which is usually a bad thing. 

He gets distracted easily. He had a very short attention span. Whether it be a long conversation or a movie, he has a hard time staying focused for long periods of time. So when it comes to a four-year relationship, he is finding it hard to stay invested. Of course he is trying, because he knows it important. He doesn’t want to let anyone down, especially not Louis, who had committed four years of his life to him. 

But it’s hard. Especially when he’s thousands of miles from home, and he’s checking out the streets in an exciting country and meeting people who are new and fun. As he walks through the streets of Rio de Janeiro, he can’t stop his wandering eyes. He’s an artist; he’s supposed to recognize beauty. 

Beauty such as the nice curve of some French tourist’s ass, or the bright smile of a handsome street vendor saying pretty things in Portuguese. There’s a man from Australia talking a pretty woman, and the way jaw tenses when he talks should be the eighth wonder of the world, Harry thinks. 

Harry looks at all these people through the lens of his camera, trying not to acknowledge the real reason when he snapped their photo discretely. Jade is standing next to him, mutter quietly into a tape recorder, making not of all the remarkable things they have seen in the city. 

“I think we have everything.” Jade said after only a few hours. “I want to focus to be the rainforest culture, so we don’t need much here. Just get a few more shots of the market then we’ll go. We should go to the beach.”

“Yeah. We should.” Harry agreed, zooming in a tanned native in a very thin vest top that accentuated his impressive muscles. After a few more shots of the people, he decided to follow Jade’s instructions and actually focus on the market, and not just the good-looking people in it. 

He settled the camera back against his chest and followed after Jade. She was chattering happily, pointing to things every once and a while. Harry only nodded, listening to her talk and continuing to survey people in the streets. There were so many different languages, colors, and people and he wanted nothing more than to jump right in and experience it all. 

~~~

“Harry gets home tomorrow.” Louis said, running his fingers over the sparse hair on Liam’s chest. He felt Liam talk a deep breath, pulling Louis closer to him. Louis didn’t complain, and tuck his head under Liam’s chin, resting his head right between his collarbones.

“I wish we could stay like this forever.” Liam said wistfully. Louis closed his eyes at the feeling of Liam’s slightly calloused fingertips tracing random patterns lightly into the skin on his back. 

“Sweaty and smelling like sex?” Louis said cheekily. Liam slapped his playfully on the back and pressed a kiss to his head softly. Louis laughed and keened into the small act of affection. 

“No, you perv.” Liam said through a laugh. “Just…being here, you know?” 

Louis nodded his head slowly. He did know. The past three weeks had been amazing. Nothing but bumming around in his flat, eating food he couldn’t eat while he was training, and sleeping while Liam was a work. And when Liam came by, they would curl up together, sometimes talking, sometimes not. 

They were slowly getting used to each other. Louis was getting used to the way Liam always was tapping his fingers. Sometimes on his own leg, sometimes on Louis’ back when they were wrapped up in each other. Louis was getting used to the way Liam’s eyes crinkled around the edges when he was really happy, and the way his eyes didn’t crinkle when he was pretending to smile. Louis was getting used to the way Liam was an open book. He wasn’t afraid to tell Louis what was on his mind, no matter how stupid or upsetting it may be. 

And after a couple weeks and intense begging from Louis, Liam finally allowed Louis to have sex. And now they were slowly getting more used to each other in bed. It wasn’t the frenzied and passionate fucking that they had done the first couple times they were together. It was slower, more careful, each taking the time to learn what made the other fall apart. They were getting used to being intimate, which was fun and terrifying at the same time. 

It was kind of like when Louis first got together with Harry. Louis spent weeks making a catalogue of every part of his body that made him react. He learned what turned Harry on the most, what made him moan the loudest. He knew what Harry like the most, and once he knew all those small things about Harry’s body, he knew where he fit into him. He knew how he and Harry would work together.

Now he was learning someone new. He had to start from the beginning. He had to forget everything he had gotten used to and learn how to touch differently. He had to start his catalogue all over again. But Louis didn’t mind. He liked learning new things, and he liked the way it felt to start fitting himself to Liam instead. 

It felt different. It was almost easier. It wasn’t like he was starting from complete scratch. It was sort of like getting reacquainted. Even though he was doing a lot of things for the first time, it didn’t feel like brand new. It felt familiar. It felt comfortable, like this is where he was supposed to be. 

“Does it bother you?” Louis asked, burying his head back into Liam’s neck. 

“What?” Liam asked, removing his hand from Louis back to his hair, letting his fingers card gently through it. Louis loved it when Liam played with his hair. His hands were so strong but always really gentle, unlike Harry who just had skinny fingers and pulled too hard.

(Not that Louis is accounting for all the differences or anything.)

“Harry coming home.” Louis clarified. Liam was quiet for a moment, and kept running Louis’ hair though his fingers. Louis closed his eyes and tried to focus on Liam only, and not the tightening in his stomach, that feeling of guilt was growing stronger every day.

“Yeah. It bothers me. Mostly because I have to sleep in my own bed for the first time in like three weeks. I’ll miss not being with you every day.” Liam explained slowly. “But like I said. It doesn’t bother me that you’re still with him. Just as long as you let me know when you make up your mind.”

“Why are you so perfect?” Louis asked, throwing an arm around Liam’s stomach and squeezing him tightly. Liam groaned in protest at the pressure around his ribs, but he smiled anyway. 

“I just really like you, Louis.” He said, placing his hand on the forearm that was lying across his stomach. Louis smiled and leaned up, stealing an awkward kiss from Liam’s slightly swollen lips. He sighed when Liam smiled into the kiss, and then rolled him into his back.

Just like that, the whole Harry drama was forgotten. Liam carefully situated himself between Louis’ bare legs, leaning over him to reconnect their lips. Liam’s hands ran up his sides, carefully trailing over every rib and then back down. Louis moaned weakly and wrapped his arms tightly around Liam’s neck, forcing their bare skin to lay flush against each other. 

“You are insatiable, Louis Tomlinson.” Liam chuckled into his mouth. Louis grinned and ground up into Liam’s hips, loving the way Liam’s face immediately changed from laughing to a broken groan. Louis disconnected their lips and started a path down his ear, along his neck, and along his shoulder.

“Only for you, Liam Payne.” He whispered, biting softly into the skin in the dip of Liam’s collarbone. Liam’s eyes fluttered closed and his hips stuttered gently into Louis’ at the sensation of Louis lips on him. Louis just smiled, loving the effect he had in this handsome boy above him. He kissed back up Liam’s neck, pausing momentarily to take a deep breath. 

Liam smelled like sweat, musk, and a little like home. 

~~~

Louis shoved his hands into the pocket of his jacket nervously. He'd been standing in the airport for the last 20 minutes and he was getting restless. What if Harry could tell that he was lying to his face? 

His worries were silenced when he saw Harry walking towards him. He was practically glowing. His skin was darker, his hair looked lighter and his smile looked brighter. Louis could only smile sheepishly when Harry waved at him. He didn't move from his spot. At this point, those cheesy airport reunion scenes we old and tired out. 

"Hey." Harry said when he was in front of him. He dropped his bag on the floor beside him and wrapped Louis up in a hug. Louis slowly returned the hug, wrapping his arms around Harry's warm back. He was only shaking a little. 

"Welcome home." Louis said lamely, pressing a soft kiss to Harry's neck. Harry hummed in contentment and took Louis face between his hands, dropping a more proper kiss to his lips. 

"I missed you." Harry said against Louis lips. Louis smiled gently and returned the kiss happily. Harry smelled so familiar; it was hard not to get lost in it. 

"Me too. Lets get your bags and go home, yeah? You must be tired." Louis pulled away and laced their fingers together. He tugged a very lethargic Harry towards the baggage carousel so they could grasp his things. Each with a heavy bag in tow, they began the trek towards Louis' car; hands still joined the whole way. 

~~~

Harry had to sleep off the jetlag. Some trips were more taxing on him than others. And Brazil seemed to do a number on Harry. He crashed on the bed the second they got his luggage wrangled through the doorway. Louis smiled at Harry's sleeping face, admiring the way he could just drift off. Lately Louis hasn't been able to fall asleep easily, and he envied anyone that could. 

His staring was interrupted by his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out and slipped from the room, not wanting to wake Harry. He saw Liam's name flash on the caller ID, and his heart did that annoying fluttering thing. 

"Hey, you." He answered, retreating even farther away from the bedroom door. 

"Oh! Hello." Liam said sounding a little surprised. "I wasn't expecting you to answer. I was going to leave a voicemail." 

"Well what were you gonna say?" Louis asked him. He was grinning like a teenage girl. His was one step away from twirling his hair around his finger and painting his toenails. He was so stupid over this boy it should be a problem. 

"I was just going to say hi." Liam said simply, causing his heart to skip another beat. "And tell you that I miss you." 

"I miss you too. God, Liam. You have no idea. And when I miss you this gets so complicated and I don't know what to do and I just want to spend all day with you doing nothing. But I can't because Harry is asleep in our bed and I just feel like a shit person because I'm lying to him and I don't know what to say." Louis pause and took a deep breath. "All I know is that I want to be with you right now"

"Babe, you need to calm down." Liam chuckled. "Don't worry about anything alright? We're good. I want to be with you too, but we'll make due. Just do what you need to with Harry, and give me a call back when you’re free, okay?" 

"Okay. I can do that." Louis agreed easily. Everything Liam ever suggested was a good idea. 

"Good. I'll talk to you later then." Liam said. Louis was about to hang up when he heard Liam's voice calling him back to attention. "Lou? I really care about you. I know that probably doesn't mean much, but I felt like I should tell you." 

"It means everything." Louis choked out. He tried to sound composed because he didn't want to have a nervous breakdown on the phone. Liam said goodbye, and Louis was left alone in his thoughts. He knew he was royally fucked. 

He decided to go join Harry in bed. 

~~~

Life went on for Harry. He slept in the same bed as Louis at night. He smiled at him in the mornings over tea. He never asked why Louis didn’t go to work. Louis didn’t really ask Harry about his work either. It was kind of an unspoken agreement. They didn’t talk about their professional lives with each other. Unless they were fighting. 

In some ways it bothered Harry that Louis wouldn’t ask him about his job. Louis always asked if he enjoyed his trip, if he had a good time. But Harry always noticed the way his gaze went far away when he went into too much detail. It honestly felt like Louis didn’t even care, which was frustrating. But Harry learned to give and take with Louis. 

Life went on for Harry. It did. Like it always does. He woke up, went to work, came home, went to bed, and did it all over again. He barely even noticed that him and Louis weren’t the same anymore. He had to many other things to worry about. 

"Harry." Zayn called from his office. He had his pissed off tone, which was something Harry was much too used to hearing. He didn't think Zayn hated him; their relationship was just a little more complicated than most. Harry looked over hesitantly and saw Zayn beckon him over. He stood up slowly and glanced over at Perrie, who mouthed "good luck" to him before he headed to Zayn's office. 

"What can I do for you, boss?" Harry said, pausing in the doorway and leaning against the doorframe in a manner that he hoped looked casual. 

"Sit." Zayn commanded, pointing at an empty chair. "And close the door." 

Harry gulped and did as he was told, stepping in cautiously and letting the door fall shit behind him. Zayn was looking at him expectantly, and Harry hurried over to the chair and took a seat. When he was settled, Zayn continued to look at him, as if he didn't know what to say. 

"So." Zayn began. Harry sat up a little straighter. He bit his lip watching Zayn's hands fiddle with a pen. "How was your trip?" 

"Fine." Harry replied. He was caught off guard with the civility of the question. 

"Good. Good." Zayn said, rubbing at the faint stubble on his jaw. "You uh, do you like to travel?" 

"Er, yeah. I do." Harry told him, nodding his head slowly. 

"And you're uh, you're boyfriend or what ever doesn't mind?" Zayn said, still rubbing his jaw. 

"Um. With all due respect, Zayn, I don't really think that's an appropriate conversation for the office." Harry said, looking down at his hands, which were clenched in fists on his lap. 

"Right. Of course. Just small talk." Zayn said, and then cleared his throat. "I called you in here because I just got of the phone with James Livik at the National Geographic headquarters. He uh, he has a job offer for you, Harry." 

"What kind of offer?" Harry said, suddenly very interested in what Zayn had to say. James Livik was one of the most important people at National Geographic. His name didn’t come up often, and it was even more rare to hear about a job offer. 

"A spot on the film team." Zayn said. 

"Holy shit." Harry said with a big grin. He leapt out of his chair, unable to contain his excitement. This was his dream job, and it was being given to him on a silver platter. "Holy shit! Are you serious!?" 

"Yes. He said he's seen your photos and appreciates your 'eye' or something. There's going to be a position open in a few months, and from what I understand, it's yours if you want it." Zayn said. 

"I can't believe this. Oh my god. This is just-oh my god!" Harry put his hands in his cheeks and smiled, unsure of what else to do. 

"He told me to run the idea by you, and if you’re interested should give him a call." Zayn told him ad started to write something down on a notepad. When he was finished, he ripped the paper out of the pad and held it out to Harry. "There's a catch though." 

"A catch?" 

"It's a job under James Livik's film team. James Livik's office is in Washington D.C." Zayn said. Harry just stared at him, obviously not following. "You'd have to move to the United States if you want the job, Harry." 

"Oh." 

"I know it's a big decision, and you have more than just you to consider, but honestly, I think you'd be an idiot to pass it up. You don't get offered a job from James Livik, often, and when you do, you don't say no." Zayn said seriously. "You're the youngest person James has ever given a job to. Most of his staff has been with the magazine for 10 or more years before they're even on his radar. And he’s practically given you the job already." 

"I don't-" Harry said. 

"I think it's best for you. And for..." Zayn trailed off, pulling at his tie nervously. "And for Louis. All things considered, I really don't think your relationship is worth passing this up for." 

"What do you know about my relationship, Zayn?" Harry said hotly, leaning over with his eyes glaring at his boss. 

"I know enough, Harry. I know it's not as perfect as you would like everyone believe. Don't think I've just forgotten-" Zayn began, only to be cut off my Harry. 

"Well I have Zayn, and so has Louis." Harry demanded, pounding his hand on Zayn's desk. He clenched his fist around the phone number and stood up. "Thanks for this. I'll think about it." 

"You have two weeks, Harry." Zayn call after him. Harry ignored him as he tore the door open and left the office, letting it fall shut behind him. 

~~~

When the guilt got to be too much, Louis would react in the worst ways. Sometimes he was moody, and wouldn't talk to Liam for a couple days. Then when he realized that ignoring him was impossible, he would then get irritated that he couldn't resist him. Other times Louis would get pissy and snap at anyone who looked at him for too long. 

Then Harry would say something nice to him, or smile at him cutely, and Louis would have to find another way to cope. Which is how he ended up at Harry's desk with tacos from his favorite place for lunch. Only to find that Harry wasn't there. 

"Hello, Louis!" Perrie greeted from her desk across the isle. Her blond hair was tucked into a neat hairstyle and her face was warm and inviting. Louis smiled at her, he really enjoyed the times when he could see Perrie. 

"Hi, Perrie. How are you?" Louis asked. He set the tacos on Harry's desk and plopped down in his chair. He spun around a couple times, just because. Perrie gave him some kind of response that he didn't really acknowledge. "Do you know where, Harry went of to?" 

"No." She replied with a shrug. "He had a meeting with Zayn earlier, and came back out looking really upset. I haven't seen him since. Probably took his lunch break to cool off or something." 

"Oh. Do you know what they talked about?" He said, a frown pulling at his lips. Perrie shrugged again. Anytime Zayn came up in a conversation between them it didn't end well. "Do you want a taco?"

"No, thank you. I'm sure Harry will be back. And he'll be so happy that you stopped by." She said. Louis really hoped. 

"Louis." A voice said behind him. Speak of the devil, and the devil shall appear. Perrie pulled a face and turned back to her computer, suddenly looking really enthralled in what she was doing. Louis turned in the chair and was met with the smug face of Zayn Malik. 

"Zayn." He said in a clipped tone. His shoulders stiffened and his entire body felt on edge. 

"What are you doing here?" Zayn asked. His tone was boarder line accusatory and Louis didn't appreciate that one bit. 

"I was bringing Harry some lunch." Louis said stiffly. Zayn raised an eyebrow, looking unimpressed. "My boyfriend, Harry." 

"I know who Harry is, thank you Louis." Zayn snapped. 

"Well, you're just his boss. I want to make sure we're still clear about where we stand." Louis said, lifting his nose up in a disinterested manner. 

"You and I both know I've never been just his boss." Zayn said, a wicked grin appearing in his face. Louis gripped on the arm on Harry's chair, trying to remain calm for the sake of everyone in the office. But Zayn's smug face was about to make him snap. 

"It was lovely seeing you, Perrie. Tell Harry I stopped by, yeah?" Louis said, rising from the chair slowly, keeping his glare focused on Zayn. 

"Leaving so soon?" Zayn said, just to be a dick. That's the only reason Zayn says anything? Louis is sure of it. Louis didn't grace that comment with a response, instead opting to leave Zayn wallowing in his own miserable life. That was enough satisfaction for Louis. 

~~~

Today was the day. The day that Louis was supposed to dance his solo. Today was the day the Harry would realize that Louis had been lying to him for weeks. He hand Harry had fallen back into a good rhythm. They smiled at each other; they didn’t snap at each other, they were doing well. Harry had been home for about a week and now this peace they had enjoyed was about to end. Louis hated himself all day. He sat alone in the apartment, waiting for Harry to come home so he could get the inevitable fight all over with. 

“Liam, I can’t do this.” Louis said into the phone once Liam picked up. He’d been itching to call him all day and Louis finally snapped. Liam had this way of talking him off the edge of a panic attack, and he really needs that right now.

“Do what?” Liam asked, his voice soft and muffled. Louis could hear him eating on the other line, which should annoy him, but Louis found it oddly endearing. How many people thought that someone eating while they were having a panic attack was comforting?

“Talk to him!” Louis groaned, falling back onto the couch.   
“Lou, you have to talk to him. He’s going to notice that you don’t dance tonight. Frankly, I’m surprised that he hasn’t noticed that you haven’t been going all week.” Liam said. Of course Liam was right on both accounts. He did need to talk to Harry and Harry didn’t notice that he wasn’t going to work. 

“I know I have to talk to him. But I just…I don’t know if it’ll be okay, you know?” Louis sighed heavily. “Like…I don’t know if we’ll recover.”

Liam was silent on the other end for a moment. Louis could hear his breathing, it was coming softly through the speaker, making the silence between them deafening. Louis wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what. 

“Do you want to?” Liam asked. “Recover, I mean. Like, do you want everything to be okay?”

“I don’t want to hurt him, Li. I can’t-I don’t want to do that to him. And if us falling apart will hurt him I can’t do that. I don’t want to do that.” Louis said slowly, borderline hysterical again. 

“Right, yeah. I get it. But you still have to talk to him.” Liam told him. His voice cracked a little. “Lying to him will hurt him, Louis. Lying hurts people.” 

“I know. That’s why this is killing me, Liam.” Louis said. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“But you’re hurting yourself in the process.” Liam argued. “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but you need to start doing things for you, Lou. I get that you don’t like to hurt people, and I think that is a beautiful attribute. But I can’t stand to see you destroy yourself like this. I’m not giving you an ultimatum or anything, I’m just telling you to do what feels right for you.”

“Liam I-“ Louis began. He was glad Liam interrupted him, because his words had absolutely no direction at all. 

“Sometimes you have to put yourself first, even if you have to give up some people that you care about.” Liam practically whispered. 

“Li-“ 

“My lunch break is over. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Liam interrupted again. “Just. Do what you have to do, okay? I’ll be still be here when you do. Whatever happens.” 

“I-“ Louis said, but it was too late. Liam had ended the call. Surprisingly, talking to Liam had done nothing to ease his mind. He was still freaking out and he knew that he had no one to blame but himself. He got himself into this mess, and he had to come out of it eventually. 

~~~

“Louis.” Harry said evenly. He was standing in the kitchen doorway, watching Louis drink a cold cup of tea. “Don’t you have somewhere to be tonight?”

“I wanted to talk to you about that.” Louis said, nodding to the spot in front of him. Harry came in slowly, eyeing Louis suspiciously. 

“Did you loose your job, Louis?” Harry asked gently, reaching over and placing a soft hand in Louis’. He stared at Harry’s hand for a moment, oddly moved by the gesture. 

“What?” Louis’ eyes snapped up to Harry’s. “No. I just… I’m injured. I’m on leave.” 

“Oh. Your hip?” Harry said slowly, pulling his hand away from Louis’. Harry carefully placed his hands in his lap. There was a painful tension building in the room. Both were restraining themselves, and it was almost worse than the angry conversations. 

“Yeah.” Louis confirmed, subconsciously running his hand over the faint scars that were left behind from his surgery. The incision was mostly healed, there was only a couple faint pink marks etched into his skin. 

“What are you going to do? Sleep it off…or?” Harry asked, licking at his lips slowly. His breathing was more labored, his blood was boiling, Louis could tell. 

“Surgery.” Louis finished. Harry moved his arms to the table, lacing his long fingers together tightly on the surface.

“Okay. When?” Harry said after a moment. 

“A month and a half ago.” Louis said quickly. He heard Harry take in a sharp breath. He clasped his fingers together even tighter. 

“So…you already went.” Harry gritted out.

“Yeah.” Louis said sheepishly, unable to look at Harry. 

“And didn’t tell me.” Harry went on. 

“Er. I thought it would be easier. You know. With work and everything. It wasn’t a big deal.” Louis said with a wave of his shaking hand. It was anything but casual, but you couldn’t blame him for trying. 

“Okay. So. Yeah.” Harry nodded slowly. Everything he was doing was too slow. It was freaking Louis out. “You lied to me.”

“I’m sorry. It just got a little out of hand. I thought…I don’t know. I thought it would be easier.” He repeated himself. His eloquence was really too much tonight. 

“Hmm. We do that a lot, don’t we?” Harry said hollowly. Louis raised a questioning eyebrow at him. Harry laughed humorously. “Lie to each other.” 

“I guess we do.” Louis replied, sipping at his tea quietly. “I talked to Zayn a few days ago.” 

“Did you?” Harry said, slumping in his chair. His hands were still clasped firmly over the table.

“I did.” Louis admitted. “He um. He said he was more than just your boss.”

“Did he?” Harry said. His eyes downcast.

“He did.” Louis repeated. “So, when I asked you three years ago if you slept with him, and you said no, you lied to me?”

“I did.” Harry confirmed. “I slept with him. It was a long time ago. I didn’t mean anything.”

“Okay.” Louis said with a nod. He inhaled and exhaled and felt…relief? “You cheated on me.”

“I guess.” Harry sighed. 

“How many times?” Louis asked, just to torture himself. Maybe if Harry slept with Zayn more times than he slept with Liam, he wouldn’t feel as bad? Maybe this whole situation was a whole bunch of bullshit. Louis didn’t know what would make it better. 

“Does it matter?” Harry asked him miserably. 

“Yes.” Louis said firmly, staring at Harry’s hands. 

“More than once.” Harry said deprecatingly. “Do I really have to go into detail?”

“I guess not.” Louis shrugged. It didn’t really matter. They were both shit people anyway. 

“I stopped.” Harry said, looking deeply into Louis’ eyes. “I stopped when you begged me to tell you the truth. I didn’t. But I ended it.” 

“I know.” Louis said. “I believe you.” 

“Okay.” Harry said. 

“Anything else we need to talk about?” Louis asked, his voice very businesslike. 

“No. I don’t have any more secrets.” Harry said. “You?”

“Nope.” Louis said, looking down at his hands. “I think we should take a breather. Just a night or two. Think things over. Then…regroup.” 

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I’ll…” Harry said, glancing around.

“I’ll go to Niall’s. I don’t…I don’t want to be here.” Louis said, standing up from the table. Harry let out a heavy sigh. 

“I thought we were stronger than this. I thought we were above all the secrets.” Harry said sadly, looking painfully at Louis. 

“Me too.” Louis replied, his voice empty. He could feel Harry’s eyes on him as he placed his mug in the sink and left the kitchen. Louis grabbed a few clothes and made sure to take his toothbrush this time. It felt better leaving with his toothbrush for some reason. 

“I love you.” Harry said to Louis before he walked out the door for the night. Louis smiled sadly at him. He loved Harry. He really did. 

“I know.” 

There were just too many secrets to sift through. 

~~~

Since Louis had a habit of lying to Harry, he didn’t go to Niall’s. He went to the only place he could find peace in all this mess. When Liam opened the door, Louis hardly noticed how terrible he looked; he just surged forward and connected their mouths. 

Liam made a gasp of surprise, but gave in easily. He took Louis in his arms and guided him inside, letting the door fall shut behind him. He crowded Louis up against the door, fisting his shirt desperately, kissing him deeply. After a few minutes of groping and sloppy kissing, Liam pulled away and stepped away from Louis, wiping at his wet mouth. 

“I don’t think I can do this if you’re going to go home to him. I thought I could. I really did. But after talking to you today I realized that I have absolutely no chance.” Liam said, rubbing at his bloodshot, puffy eyes. “He’s always going to be your first choice.”

Louis looked at him for a long time, his back resting against the door, his overnight bag forgotten at his feet. Louis sighed heavily, stepping in closer. His hands moved slowly, grabbing Liam’s waist then tracing a tentative path up his chest. He could feel the smooth muscles tense under his palms. Liam made no move to pull away, so he took that as a good sign. He took another step in, bringing his face a little closer. He felt Liam take in a sharp breath. 

"Louis." He croaked. His voice was thick with emotions Louis couldn't identify. "I want this so much. But I..."

"Shhhh." Louis whispered, leaning in so that his lips ghosted over Liam's. "Don't say anything. Just be with me." 

Liam gulped again. Louis stared at his Adam's apple as it bobbed up and down with the effort. He gasped when he felt Liam's gentle hands grasp him around the waist. They moved in a cautious path towards his lower back, then back down to his waist. 

"I can't." He said brokenly. He fisted some of Louis shirt and gripped almost desperately. As if the words he were speaking caused him agony. "I can't be with someone who isn't mine." 

"I am, though. I am." Louis argued, gripping Liam's neck and forcing him to look at him. 

"But Harry..." 

"We haven't belonged to each other in a long time. I just need you to give me some time to figure it out." Louis begged him desperately. He didn’t like the way it felt to have Liam slip through his fingers. 

"I don't want you to leave your life behind for me, Louis. I can't ask you to do that." Liam said, trying to pull away. Louis wasn’t having it though. 

"You aren't. You're making it so much easier for me to do what I should have done years ago." Louis said confidently, pulling Liam impossibly closer. 

"What, cheat on your boyfriend?" Liam said sarcastically, turning his head away. 

"No." Louis said sternly. He took Liam's hair in his hands, giving it a firm grip. Liam's eyes were forced to look right into Louis'. "Find someone that I can really fall in love with." 

At that, Liam seemed to loose all control. He leaned in, closing the small space between their lips. It was like no kiss Louis had ever had before. It was slow and sweet, but passionate and loving at the same time. Liam's lips were treating Louis' as thought they were the finest piece of art, the most fragile antique. It was the kind of kiss that literally had Louis knees quivering and his breath caught in his throat. 

Liam pulled away after a few minutes. His lips lingered over Louis', basking in the post kiss glory. His grip was still holding Louis to his chest tightly, as if he had no intention of ever letting go. 

"What makes you think you could fall in love with me?" Liam finally asked. His eyes were closed, not looking at Louis at all. Instead he pressed their foreheads together hand breathed deeply. 

"It's different with you." Louis said after some deliberation. "It feels so different. So incredible, and exciting and scary." 

"Like when you fell in love with Harry?" Liam asked innocently. 

"Being here with you makes me realize that I never fell in love with Harry. I love him. But it’s different with you. It's better." Louis said with a smile, pecking Liam’s lips sofly.

"Yeah?" Liam said, biting his lip. 

Instead of answering, Louis captures Liam's lips once more. This time was more desperate, more bruising. He licked into Liam's mouth swiftly, letting their tongues find a steady rhythm against each other. Louis nudged Liam back so that his body folded into the couch behind them. Their lips disconnected with a wet smack. He fell gracelessly with a chuckle, which was immediately silenced when Louis climbed on top of him. 

Their lips were molded together once more, resuming their frantic kiss. Liam pushed up past the hem of Louis shirt. His strong hands explored the Louis' firm back. The skin he touched immediately heated up, leaving a patch of burning flesh in its wake. Louis grinned into the kiss, then pulled away. He grabbed the hem of his shirt, and pulled it off his body. Liam's hands fell away from where they were positioned and stared at Louis' now naked torso. 

"Jesus." He muttered, placing his hands on his abdomen and felling up his chest. He pressed experimentally into various spots, making Louis gasp at Liam simply touching him. Liam leaned in carefully, and left a small kiss on his chest, just below the nipple. Louis let out a soft groan, feeling his dick twitch in anticipation. 

Liam continued to litter kissed along his chest, making Louis keen at the care in which Liam was treating his body. He moaned again as Liam's hands gripped him around the ass, causing him to budge up. The sudden movement made their crotches rub together, eliciting moans from both of them. 

"I'm gonna flip you, okay?" Liam murmured. His lips were now situated under Louis' ear. Louis nodded and Liam took his earlobe between his teeth and gave it a soft tug. Liam tightened his grip on Louis' ass and lifted him from his lap, just enough so that he was able to lay him on his back on the couch. The new position had Liam on top and Louis grinding wantonly into Liam's groin. 

Louis' hands pulled at Liam's t-shirt desperately, trying to pry it from his body. Liam eagerly complied, lifting his arms so that he could pull it off. It slipped of easily, so that Liam was able to match the state of undress. Louis pulled Liam back down into another heated kiss, letting their bare chest rub together. 

Liam started kissing down his chin and along the sharp angle of his jaw, drawing closer and closer to that sensitive spot on his neck that would make him lose it. When Liam's lips brushed over the sweet spot, Louis let out a throaty moan and wrapped his legs around Liam's hips tightly, bringing their groins together even tighter that they were before. 

"Found it." Liam pulled off and gave Louis a wicked smile. His brown eyes were swimming with lust and adoration, which cause a new wave of desire to wash over Louis. He smiled back at the man before him, and then pulled forced Liam's lips back to the spot they had abandoned. 

Liam's teeth were gently pressing into the soft skin on Louis' neck as Louis dipped his hands into the back of Liam's jeans. His hands were feeling the full swell of Liam's ass, which allowed him to control the steady rhythm at which their hips were rocking together. Another moan was pulled out of Louis as Liam suckled softly on that spot. 

"Hey, Liam, did I leave my-" And that's how Niall found them when he barged uninvited into Liam's apartment. Liam's lips attached to Louis' neck, his hands digging into the hot flesh of his chest and his body pushing Louis into the couch. With Louis' head thrown back in a loud moan, his hands in Liam's pants and legs wrapped around his body. "What the fuck!" 

The two gasped and pulled away, looking over at Niall urgently. When they realized who it was, they both cried out in surprise. Liam climbed off Louis so fast, he didn't have time to detangle their legs, causing Liam to fall onto the ground with a loud thud. 

"Niall! What are you doing here?" Louis demanded, sitting up and straightening his trousers. 

"What am I doing here!?" Niall repeated. "What the fuck are you doing here! Why the fucking fuck are you snogging Liam on his couch? And why the hell aren't you two wearing shirts?" 

"Niall it's not what-" Liam began, pushing up from the floor. Niall interrupted him with a accusatory finger that was flung his way. 

"Don't you fucking dare tell me it's not what it looks like!" Niall snarled.

"Niall, you need to relax." Louis said, leaning over and grabbing his shirt from the floor. He pulled it over his head and stood up, unsure of what to do. Niall's nostrils flared and his face turned an even darker shade of crimson. 

"Relax!? I just found my best friend, who has a boyfriend, and my friend, who didn't ever bothered to tell me was gay, almost fucking on a couch and you want me to relax!?" 

"Why are you even here!" Liam shouted back, pulling his shirt on as well. 

"I came to see if I left my mobile here, but ended up seeing a lot more than I wanted to." Niall said. Both Liam and Louis looked away awkwardly. "I can't believe you two. Louis, how could you do this to Harry? That boy loves you more than anything on this planet. How could you, of all people, betray his trust like that?" 

"Niall-" Louis began to defend himself, only to he cut off by Niall. 

"And you!" Niall said, looking over at Liam. "How could you lie to me about your sexuality for all these years? And even worse, how could you be okay with compromising a four year relationship?" 

"Niall. Stop. There's a lot you don't understand." Louis said. 

"Oh, I understand just fine. Liam here is a home wrecker, and you are cheap whore who can’t keep his legs together. Sorry to intrude." Niall said venomously. He surged forward, grabbing his mobile that he had apparently left on the coffee table, and stormed out, slamming the door shut behind him. 

"I should have locked the door behind you." Liam said after a pregnant pause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GASP! Okay first, how many noticed the sneaky mention of a Harry/Zayn chapter three? Hmm? Surprised? Tehe. So, does that fact that Harry cheated too change anyone's mind? Is there still hope for Larry Stylinson? What's gonna happen to Niall? Will Harry tell Louis about his job offer? Will Louis come clean about his unfaithfulness? So many things just happened, I love it. 
> 
> I still haven't decided on how I want this to end, so if you drop a comment and tell me why a certain ship should prevail, I'll consider it:D 
> 
> Team Liam or Team Harry? :):):):)


	6. We're Gonna Be Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration for this chapter is mostly thanks to the song "Mine, Mine, Mine" by Christopher (GO LISTEN TO IT)

Louis spent a fitful night on Liam’s couch. After they had been interrupted neither had been in the mood to finish what they had started. Louis had tried in vain to call Niall, but it was no use. Eventually all his calls just went straight to voicemail. 

In the morning, Liam greeted him awkwardly with a cup of tea. Louis accepted it gratefully; it numbed the exhaustion he was feeling after his restless night. Liam took a seat awkwardly next to him on the couch. They didn’t say much, just exchanged pleasantries and small talk as they sipped at their drinks. After what seemed like an eternity, Liam finally spoke up. 

“What are we doing, Lou?” Liam said miserably, slamming his cup onto the coffee table in front of them. 

“Um.” Louis said, not quite sure where to start. 

“What are we trying to prove?” Liam continued. “I’m just hurting everyone you love by allowing myself to be your dirty little secret.”

“Liam—“

“No. I was awake all night. I was waiting like a complete tosser for you to come to me and tell me things were going to work out for us. I was waiting for you to put everything aside in your life and be with me.” Liam told him. “But then I realized that you weren’t going to do that. Because no matter what you say to me, or to yourself, I’m not him. You don’t want me. Not like you want Harry, and we both know it.”

“Liam. That’s not. You aren’t—“ Louis didn’t even know how to compose his response. 

“I just want you so much, Louis. I tried to ignore Harry, and this entire life you had with him because I wanted you so goddamn bad.” Liam said, grabbing for Louis hand. “I can’t do it. I can’t put everything in jeopardy for you. Harry loves you. I know he does. How could he not? And Niall loves you, and would do anything for you. I can’t be the one that ruins that. Especially when we aren’t supposed to happen.”

“What are you saying, Liam?” 

“I’m saying—I’m saying that you need to go home to Harry. You need to tell him the truth and you need to try again. Don’t give up on him.” Liam said, letting Louis’ hand go. “You owe it to him to see your relationship to the end. Give it the chance it deserves. If Harry is your forever, great, I wish you all the happiness in the world. If he isn’t, then at least you can walk away knowing you both had closure. But I can’t be a part of this anymore.”

“I wanted you to, Liam. Not just for the sex but for the company. And for who you are, you know? You’re an amazing person and anyone who doesn’t see it is a twat.” Louis said passionately and Liam laughed softly. “That’s why this became so complicated, Li. Because I cared about two people at the same time and I didn’t know what to do. But Harry is—” 

“I know, Louis.” Liam said. “I’ve known from the beginning. You’re in love with him. And I know you might feel like you aren’t when you’re going through the hard things, but you love him. And I have to accept that and stop trying to change your mind.” 

Harry was the center of his life. And the only reason he ever thought otherwise was because they started to get complacent. They forgot that they change everyday, and the only way to continue to love each other like they did in the beginning was to meet each other again every day. To fall in love again before nightfall, and spend their whole lives growing together. 

All those empty spaces Louis had felt throughout the years was him not reaching out to Harry like his should have. Instead of telling Harry the things he need he expected Harry to just know, and he spent all this time blaming Harry and not himself. He’s been so unfair to him, and it took the man he was having an affair with to help him realize that. 

Louis couldn’t believe that he almost let them disintegrate because he was too self-involved to realize what the real problem was. Him and Harry were both to blame in the end. Because they forgot what was really important and thought their problems would work themselves out. The solution wasn’t to end things; it was to give their relationship the attention it deserved. 

“Thank you.” Louis said after some deliberation. That was the only thing he could say. Because Liam was right. 

~~~

“Hey.” Harry said, clicking off the television when Louis walked in the door. He looked surprised to see him, as if him coming home was the most shocking thing he could think of to do. “I didn’t think you were going to be back for a couple days.”

“Yeah. I uh. I couldn’t really—like, do anything. You know? I just kept think about you. And us. And I figured that we should talk about it.” Louis said, his fingers fumbling with his keys clumsily. 

“Uh. Yeah. Me too.” Harry said awkwardly. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, not meeting Louis eyes. “I felt like shit when you left. When I said that I didn’t have any more secrets, I lied. And I hate that I can just lie to you like it’s nothing, Louis. I hate that.” 

“I know.” Louis agreed, nodding his head slowly. “ I know. I lied to you too.”

They fell silent and just looked at each other. Their stares were part guilt, part shame, part hurt, but mostly despair, because part a part of them knew that this was probably the end. And they didn’t want that. Not like this. 

“Why? What happened?” Harry said, standing up from the couch and making his way to Louis. The older man flinched slightly when Harry’s hands cupped his face and looked at him with those huge green that looked so familiar but so distinct at the same time. 

“I think we just drifted apart. And we didn’t really do anything about it.” Louis said, placing his hands on top of Harry’s and lacing their fingers together on top of his cheeks. “We stopped putting each other first, Harry. Then the next thing I knew you were a stranger and I didn’t know how to love you anymore.”

“Why?” Harry said, his eyes brimming with tears. He was always the more sensitive of the two, and he was never ashamed of it. Harry wore his emotions on his sleeve at all times, which only made this harder on Louis. Knowing that he made Harry cry was nearly unbearable. “Is it me?”

“No. Harry, you’re wonderful and I really care about you. I do. I just don’t know who you are anymore.” Louis relied, biting his lip as the first tear rolled over Harry’s cheek. “I love you. I love the old you. I love the cheeky intern who lived in a shit apartment and ate jam sandwiches for every meal. I love the Harry that would drag me out of bed at three in the morning to see the first snowfall, that would stay in bed with me until I woke up, that would talk to me even though I’m being an ass.”

“And now?” Harry hiccups wetly, not letting go of Louis’ face. Louis but his lip before opening his mouth again. 

“Now…I don’t know. This Harry is gone all the time. And he works all the time, and forgets about dates and is grouchy and mean when he finally does come home from work, even though he’s been gone for weeks. He leaves me alone in the mornings and doesn’t ask me how I feel about him being gone.” Louis said. “I just don’t know how to love someone who doesn’t give me their whole heart, Harry. And I had yours, but you took it away.”

“I didn’t.” Harry defended quickly, shaking his head like a mad man. “You still have everything I have. I gave you four years. I know I’ve messed up and I know that we don’t trust each other anymore but Louis, I love you so damn much and I can’t…I can’t have you think that I don’t care about this anymore. I do.” 

“I know you care Harry. But you checked out. And I don’t know where we stand anymore.” Louis said. “I’m so lonely, Harry. I feel like I’m in the alone and I don’t like how that feels.”

“I’ll do anything for you. You need to know that. I’m all in, Louis. How could you not know that?” Harry said, his tears falling more freely. Louis sighed and squeezed Harry fingers tighter, almost like they were a lifeline that would keep him from drowning. 

“Harry I—“ Louis started, only to be cut off immediately by a frantic Harry. 

“Tell me what to do to make it up to you, Louis. Tell me and I’ll do it.” Harry promised, pulling Louis’ hands from his face and pressing them against his chest, right over his heart. “I can’t lose this.”

“Hear me out.” Louis said after some deliberation. Harry looked confused, but allowed himself to be pulled by Louis toward the couch. They sat, angling towards each other so that their knees touched and both of their hands could stay intertwined. 

Harry looked at him, patiently waiting for Louis to continue. Louis closed his eyes, trying to compose his thoughts. He never thought he would have to have the conversation with Harry. He never thought he would have to confess a secret like the one he’d been keeping. He looked at Harry’s hands wound around his own, his heart pounding in his ears. 

“I’ve been cheating on you.” He said firmly, his gaze still trained on Harry’s hands. “I—I just—I don’t know.”

Harry’s eyes slipped closed and his lips trembled faintly. He was the type that would cry when something like this happened. Of course he was crying. What was Louis supposed to expect? Harry wouldn’t give him the luxury of a fight. Not this time. 

“When?” Harry asked, his voice cracking. He pulled his hands from Louis and dropped his face into the palms of his hands, cradling his wet face miserable. “When did you meet him?”

“When you were in Mongolia. I was just—I wasn’t supposed to be anything. It was a mistake. A stupid mistake after I had too many beers. But you were gone and I was sad and everything was going wrong. He just. He helped me not hate that I was alone.” 

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” Harry whispered. Before Louis could reply, Harry continued. “I pushed you to it. Perrie always told me to make time for us but I never did. I was too busy, you know? So busy that you slept with someone else to make up for the time that I wasn’t there? Is that it?”

“No! Harry it wasn’t just about the sex. It’s everything.” Louis said. “It’s me and its you and it’s not working.” 

“You went to him, didn’t you?” Harry asked miserably. “Last night. You went to him, not Niall, right?”

“Harry, don’t do this to yourself.” Louis said softly.

“How could you do this, Louis? How could you do this time me?” Harry said, looking at him, his eyes wide and confused. “Christ, what am I even saying? I did it first! And I didn’t even have the balls to tell you what I did when you asked. I guess I deserve it.”

“No. This isn’t some revenge ploy, Harry. This is my fault. This is all on me.” Louis said. 

“What’s wrong with us?” Harry asked, taking Louis’ trembling hands back in his. Louis stared at their hands, unsure of what to say. 

“I don’t know.” Louis said. His thumb rubbed gently over Harry’s knuckles. “What I do know it that I love you. And me cheating on you doesn’t change that. At least, I hope it doesn’t.”

Harry releases Louis’ hand again, standing up and pacing the area of the living room. His shoulders are hunched in concentration, his eyes trained on the floor. He looks as through he is having a debate with himself. And Louis can do little else but watch. Every once and a while, Harry would catch Louis’ eye, and they would linger on each other, before they were ripped away. 

Louis sighed after about ten minutes of his frantic pacing. He pushed himself off of the couch and started heading for the front door. He figured that was it. Harry obviously needed more time and Louis starting at him wasn’t going to do anything. Louis had the door unlocked and was about to leave when he heard Harry’s voice call out to him. 

“Where are you going?” Harry asked him furiously, stomping over to the door and slamming it shut before Louis had a chance to leave. Louis jumped at the sudden force from Harry’s outburst. 

“I thought—“ He tried but was interrupted by Harry’s lips crashing into his. It was almost painful the way their teeth clacked together, their mouths catching each other in the most undesirable way. Before he could process what was happening, Harry’s large hand was cupping the back of his head, pulling him closer. Louis melted into the touch easily, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck, letting him have whatever he wanted. 

“Don’t go.” Harry begged into his mouth. Louis just gripped his neck tighter and nodded in agreement. He wasn’t going anywhere. Harry’s hands explore the length of his body greedily, the force of it pressing him against the now closed door. 

They didn’t say anything else. They didn’t need to. Harry tipped Louis’ head back, exposing the column of his throat to his eager mouth. Louis groaned as Harry started creating a trail down his neck with his lips, nipping and sucking harshly at the sensitive skin. Harry took a handful of Louis t-shirt in his still trembling fist and pulled it from his body in one go. Louis gasped at the abruptness but let his body go slack so that Harry could have his way. 

As soon as the shirt was gone Harry dropped to his knees in front of him. Louis gaped at him through his heavy lidded eyes. Harry smiled wickedly and started to work on the clasp to his trousers. His moans were loud and wanton as Harry pulled him from the confines of his pants, they were beginning to feel uncomfortably tight from the strange turn of events. 

The relief was short lived when Harry wrapped his lips around him. There was no warning or teasing. Harry had him against the back of his throat in seconds. Louis let his head fall back, and it hit the door with a hollow thud that neither paid any attention to. Unable to anything else, Louis threaded his fingers in Harry’s soft hair as he bobbed roughly up and down his length. 

“Ha—Harry!” He cried out when he felt him swallow around the head of his cock. “Fuck! Slow down!” 

Harry hummed around him, but made no move to stop any time soon. He groaned in pleasure mostly, but it was almost painful the way Harry fingers were wrapped around the tops of his thighs. He felt a tugging at the trousers that were still mostly around his body, which he took as hint to assist in getting them removed. Louis obliged, helping Harry pull the rest of his clothing off, leaving him completely bare and Harry fully dressed. 

Harry looked up at him with dark eyes, still kneeling in front of him. Louis thought it should be illegal for someone to look that incredible. Harry took Louis’ hand in his own, gently coaxing him onto the floor with him. Louis wanted to protest, but the look of adoration and trust on Harry’s face changed his mind. 

Once he was kneeling, on the same level as Harry, he captured Louis lips and kissed him softly, almost as if he wasn’t sure if he was real. Louis moaned at the feeling of the smooth glide of their spit slick lips. Harry started to lie back, pulling Louis on top of him, put before he was lying flat; he rolled over so that Louis was below him. Their feet knocked against each other and the door as Harry maneuvered their bodies awkwardly. 

Eventually they were settled with Louis on bottom and Harry above him, straddling his hips. Harry pulled at the hem of his shirt, pulling it from his body slowly, keeping his eyes locked with Louis’ until he had to look away to get it over his head. When his chest was exposed, he leaned down, letting their bare chests press flush against each other and connecting their lips in another wet kiss.

Louis whimpered pathetically as their damp skin touched. He slipped his hands between their stomachs, trying to reach the button of his jeans without letting their mouths disconnect. Harry got the message and budged up, pulling at the fabric while keeping his lips firmly against Louis. Getting the trousers completely off of Harry’s body was another feat as well. Louis had Harry’s head in a vice grip, not wanting to let his mouth leave his, so Harry tried to shimmy out of them on his own. When the reached his knees, Louis was able to pull up his knees and help him the rest of the way using only his feet. 

When they were both naked, Harry wasted no time in starting a slow rhythm of rocking his hard cock against Louis’. They both couldn’t keep in the moan at the feeling, but their mouths swallowed up any noise. Harry pulled his mouth from a protesting Louis, gazing down at him with swollen lips and vibrant eyes. Louis didn’t know what else to do other that look back. 

He watched in awe as Harry brought his hand up to Louis’s mouth slowly, slipping two fingers between his bruised lips. Louis got the message quickly and sucked them in farther, running his tongue along the length of his slender fingers in a way he hoped was sensual. Judging by the way Harry was biting at his lips, Louis could assume it was true. 

He slipped off of his place straddling Louis and settled on his knees between Louis’ thighs. Harry grinned at him faintly as he pulled his fingers from Louis’ mouth. They came out with a wet pop, causing Louis to smirk at how dirty it was. Without warning, one of Harry’s warm fingertips brushed against his entrance. Louis nearly choked on his tongue in surprise. 

Harry was drawing slow circles inside him, moving his finger shallowly in and out. Louis whimpers pathetically, throwing his hands out to the side of him and digging his fingers into the carpet beneath him. Harry doesn’t stop the teasing until he works himself knuckle deep. He cries out at the coarse drag as Harry pulled out, only to stick another finger in. All Louis can do is thrash around like a mad man, and physically restrain himself from begging. Harry fingered him for a few minutes, taking him time, forcing Louis’ body to relax around him. 

“Harry.” Louis ground out after a ridiculous jab at his prostate. “I can’t—“

“I know.” Harry said, pulling his fingers out and dropping a quick kiss to Louis’ lips before turning his attention back to the task at hand. Harry spits into his hand and brings it down to his dripping, neglected cock, trying to slick it up as much as possible. 

Louis brings his legs up to wrap loosely around Harry’s hips, trying to hurry things along. Harry placed one hand to the side of Louis’ head, using his other one to guide himself inside of Louis. Louis is tempted to scream at the top of his lungs at the way it feels to have Harry like this. Harry was working himself in slowly, he wasn’t in any rush, his hips moved back and forth, fucking into Louis’ in an agonizingly gentle manner.

“There!” Louis gasped out when Harry was all the way inside and pressing against something that made his eyes roll into the back of his head. Louis stretches his arm out, placing his palm on Harry’s ass to keep him there for a few more seconds. 

Harry fucks him in lazy, drawn-out thrusts. Their hips flush together and then his tip pulling at Louis’ rim. Louis just writhes beneath him helplessly. Harry brings his mouth down over Louis’ again. Not quite a kiss, but their mouths brush against each other’s as they shared breathless gasps. Louis is too delirious from the feeling of Harry moving inside him to be good for much else. 

“Harder.” Louis demands, digging his nails into the smooth muscles of Harry’s back. Harry lifts his hips up and slams back in deep. Not pausing before pulling back out and pushing back. He was giving it to Louis deeper and faster, just like he wanted. Sweat is dripping down Harry’s neck and rolling along his back, Louis’ can feel it as he palms the hot expanse of his flesh. 

“Better?” Harry grunts into Louis’ mouth after a particularly hard thrust that forced a high pithed whine out of Louis’ throat. Louis tries to reply, but can only gasp and groan as Harry slams in again.

“Yes!” Louis finally manages out. He starts to chant it like a prayer when Harry reaches between them to jerk him off at the same pace of his hips. Louis knew they were both getting close. Harry was getting sloppy and Louis felt like he might combust. He grunts the word into Harry’s mouth over and over until he stops completely. 

His whole body seizes up as Harry takes him over the edge. He comes all over Harry’s fist and their stomachs. Harry fucks him all the way through it, and when he’s finally spent, Harry presses a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. He’s trembling as Harry pulled out of him and wrapped a hand around his pulsing cock. Louis takes his free hand and laces their fingers together. He brings it up to his lips and kisses his knuckles as Harry’s fist beats over himself, chasing his climax. 

Harry moans when he finally spilled over himself and Louis, his rhythm faltering and chaotic. Louis’ name is at his lips as his rides it out, pulling out every bit of cum he can. When he’s done he collapses next to Louis’ spent body, giving them both time to catch their breaths. Harry leans up and plants an open mouthed kiss against Louis’ lips, it seemed like almost and act of gratitude from him. 

Their hands are still laced together lazily between them. Harry gives it a tight squeeze and leans up in his elbow so he’s hovering over Louis’ face. He smiles at his younger boyfriend sadly. Harry buried his face into Louis’ neck and heaved the most heartbreaking sob into his sweaty skin. Louis sighed and pulled his hand from Harry’s so he could wrap his arm around his trembling shoulders. 

“Please don’t choose him.” Harry wept into his skin, throwing his arms over Louis’ torso and threading his legs through the older mans. “Please don’t leave me.”

Louis brushed Harry’s damp hair from his forehead and pressed a soft kiss to it. He murmured soothing things into his ear as Harry finally broke down. He held him tightly; because that’s the lease he could do for him. When Harry was through with his episode, and only the occasional hiccup could be heard from him, Louis finally replied. 

“I can’t, Harry.” Louis told him. “There’s no way I could choose him.”

~~~

They eventually dragged themselves into bed. Both were exhausted but neither could find it in themselves to go to sleep. So they curled up in each other, sharing light touches and sweet kisses, apologizing into every inch of bare skin they could get their mouths on. And it was fine. Louis and Harry had this way of being with each other, where they didn’t really have to say anything, and they somehow managed to say it all. 

“Remember a few years ago when we went to your mums house and accidentally lit the AC in fire?” Harry asked as Louis pepped kisses along his shoulder. Louis smirked at the thought, of course he remembered. It was one of his favorite memories with Harry.

“Hm.” Louis murmured against him warm skin. “She still thinks it was Daisy that did it.”

“I can’t believe we blamed it on a five year old and never came clean.” Harry laughed, throwing his back. 

“She has the cuteness factor on her side. It was much easier for her to get away with it.” Louis chuckled, staring in awe at Harry as he laughed genuinely at the memory. He realized that he didn’t remember the last time he heard Harry laugh, truly laugh, and that made him sigh sadly.

“It’s been a while since we laughed together, huh?” Harry said when he stopped laughing, letting his smile slip off his face. 

“Yeah. I think it has been.” Louis agreed, dropping his head to rest on Harry’s chest, right over his heartbeat. He could hear Harry’s heart beating slowly, mimicking the relaxation that the rest of Harrys body demonstrated. 

“Remember when I said I had one more lie to come clean about?” Harry asked. His fingers traced up the line of Louis’ spine, and he didn’t think he could get mad at Harry right now, even if he tried.

“What is it?” Louis said quietly, not moving from his spot on Harry.

“I got a job offer.” Harry said, his fingers still running along Louis’ back in the most soothing way. “From James Livik.”

“That old guy that makes the films?” Louis asked, just to clarify. 

“Yeah. Him.” Harry confirmed, nodding his head slowly. Louis’ could feel the movement because he was pressed so close to Harry.

“That’s great, H.” Louis said, lifting his head up and propping his chin on Harry’s peck. From this angle he could see him without having to sit up. “That’s like, your dream job isn’t it?”

“It is. Yeah.” Harry said, nodding again. “His films are the reason I even became interested in nature photography in the first place. Now he wants me on the firm team.”

“That’s amazing, Harry. I’m so proud of you.” Louis said, pressing yet another kiss to his collarbone in congratulations.

“The thing is—I would have to move if I wanted the job.” Harry said slowly. “To Washington D.C. That’s where his office is.”

“Oh.” Louis said, now confused. “So—“

“I don’t know.” Harry said. “I want this job. I do. But you and me—“

“Harry you wouldn’t seriously pick me over your dream job would you?” Louis said, sitting up and pulling the sheets around his naked bottom half. Harry sat up too, looking a lot less relaxed than he did before. 

“I don’t know.” Harry said again. This time more unsure than the first. “I can’t ask you to come with me, that’s not fair to you. Nor can I ask you to do long distance, because that doesn’t work for us. No matter what I do, if I take that job I’ll lose you. And I—“

“Why not?” Louis interrupted, looking at Harry seriously. After all he’s done to Harry, this was the least he could do. If he wanted to give their relationship the chance it deserved its time that he started making sacrifices of his own. 

“Why not…” Harry repeated, not sure what to answer. 

“Why can’t you ask me to come with you?” Louis demanded. 

“Because of your job, Louis. You’re happy here. I can’t ask you to make that kind of sacrifice for me.” Harry argued, cupping Louis cheek in his hand gently. 

“Ask me.” Louis said, his eyes slipping shut as he nuzzled into the touch. The moment he said it out loud, Louis knew it’s what he wanted. It was the most reckless, irresponsible and spontaneous decision he had ever made, but it was for Harry. And he knew that was enough for now.

“Louis—“

“Ask me, Harry.” Louis commanded again.

“Come with me?” Harry asked, his voice faltering and sounding nervous and overwhelmed at the same time. 

“Yes.” Louis said, looking into Harry’s wide eyes with a huge grin on his face. “I’m coming with you.” 

~~~

And that was that. Harry took the job. Louis was moving to the United States with Harry. The next to months was a whirlwind of visa arrangements, packing, visiting family, and tying up loose ends. Louis could honestly say the he was as happy as he’d ever been as they got ready to move. There was something about planning a future with someone. It was so much better than just talking about it and him and Harry were the closest they’d ever been. 

That isn’t to say there weren’t some bumps in the road. They still argued about things. They still had to get past the cheating and the lying. They had to learn to trust each other again. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t better yet, but they were working on it, which its what they should have been doing the whole time. 

A week before they were scheduled to leave, Louis stopped by his old dance company for the last time. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as hard to walk away from it had he thought. His whole life had been dedicated to that place, but after his injury it wasn’t the same. He thought that his life was supposed to be all about ballet, but now he wasn’t so sure. 

He dropped in to say goodbye to Simon, who had been there for him from the start. He was the whole reason he succeeded in the company and he wanted to give him the thanks he deserved. Their goodbye was bittersweet, Simon was sad that he wouldn’t be auditioning for the upcoming season but happy that Louis was trying new things. 

What he really came there for, more than anything was Niall. After a few weeks of trying to call him with no luck, Louis finally gave it a rest. Niall obviously didn’t want to talk to him so he stopped beating himself up about it. It was his fault and Niall didn’t owe him anything. But it felt wrong to leave without saying goodbye and a least trying to apologize. 

“What are you doing here?” He heard Niall’s voice say behind him. Louis was examining some pictures on the wall, trying to look busy while he waited for Niall’s class to be let out. 

“I um. I wanted to talk to you.” Louis said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. 

“Okay. Talk.” Niall said, crossing his arms over his chest, keeping his expression stoic. 

“I’m sorry I dragged you into my shit. It wasn’t…it wasn’t really fair to you. But um. Thanks for not telling Harry before I had a chance to. And. I’m sorry. I already said that. But I’m sorry.” Louis rambled, not really able to say anything but nonsensical sentences. 

“Wasn’t my secret to tell.” Niall shrugged. 

“Yeah. So. Um. I ended it with Liam. Well. He ended things with me. But you know. It’s over. And me and Harry are working things out. Like we should have in the first place. You probably don’t care but.”

“I care. I probably should have called. I talked to Liam a few days later. He was really upset. I know he feels horrible about what he did. So. We worked it out.”

“I feel horrible too. It was a mistake to get involved with Liam when Harry and me were having problems. It was just easier, you know?” 

“Easier for who, Louis?” Niall scoffed. “You broke Liam’s heart. The guys an idiot for getting involved with you in the first place, but he went and fucking fell in love with you. And you chose Harry.”

“I thought—“

“No. You didn’t think.” Niall interrupted. “Look, you’re my best friend, and I care about you. But so is Liam. And he’s really torn up about this. These past two months have been hell for him.”

“Niall—“

“I’m sorry. But Liam is really in a bad place right now and I need to be there for him. He fell for you while he was in the middle of some really confusing shit and you two falling out didn’t help anything.”

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” Louis said miserably.

“That’s because you were only thinking of yourself.” Niall accused him with cold eyes. “I think it’s great that you’re trying to change. I do. But that doesn’t change the fact that you hurt Liam. So I think for now you just need to give me some space.”

“It’s been two months.” Louis deadpanned. 

“That’s not long enough.” Niall retorted, rolling his eyes.

“Well. You’ll have plenty of space.” Louis said. Niall furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “I’m moving to the U.S. with Harry. We leave on Monday. I just wanted to talk to you before I left. Apologize and everything.”

“Oh. Well. Good.” Niall said, looking down at his shoes. “Um. Thanks for coming by then. And uh. Good luck.” 

“Thanks.” Louis said dully. “Maybe I’ll see you.” He told his best friends and brushed past him, heading to the exit. 

“Don’t call him, Louis.” Niall shouted after him when he was about to turn the corner. Louis turned back to Niall slowly. “Liam. Don’t call him. Just leave it, okay?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t going to call him.” 

~~~

A week later he found himself at the airport with Harry. Not to say goodbye, or to be reunited like they usually did. But they were there to start something together. Harry held his hand as he guided him through the crowds of the terminals like the seasoned expert he was. 

Harry was no stranger to traveling, but Louis was. This was the longest plane ride he was ever going to take and he was more than a little nervous. Harry chuckled as Louis eyes flicked around the airport anxiously. 

When they boarded, Louis hands started to visibly shake. The combination of flying, moving across the ocean, and not knowing what to expect was driving Louis absolutely mad. 

“We’re going to be fine, Louis.” Harry promised, squeezing his hand for added reassurance. 

“You think?” Louis asked, hiking his carry-on farther up his shoulder. 

“Yep. We’re gonna be just fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides from Lilo shippers* 
> 
> Don't hate me. This wasn't how I intended it to go, but some help from an amazing commenter and a little inspiration from a song, this happened. I'm sorry, okay? I just felt like this was the way things had to go. (But sad Liam makes a sad me, if that's any consolation). 
> 
> Hey, there's still the Epilogue. So you can kill me after that if you still feel so inclined;) 
> 
> Is anyone surprised? Or was that totally predicable.
> 
> And does anyone who hated on Liam want to hug him now? 
> 
> I want your honest opinions on how it ended. Good or bad! Thanks for reading!


	7. Epilogue: Unplanned Endings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I royally fucked up with my first attempt at and ending. The second I posted it I knew it was wrong. So I deleted it and started over (sort of). If you read my first epilogue attempt, I'm sorry. This is a complete 360. 
> 
> Also. Sorry this story is such a disaster. I don't have a beta and I rarely proofread. But you guys are so awesome for commenting and what not. You're cool.

Liam tried to control his flailing limbs as he all but ran down the linoleum floors of the hospital. His sneakers were squeaking loudly with every step, drawing more attention that necessary. Nurses glared at him as he flew past them, running in the oncology ward wasn't usually an acceptable practice. He was late, again, and he was sure that he was going to get another verbal beating by his short-tempered mentor. 

"Dr. Payne." Dr. Russell greeted him dryly. "Late again I see." 

"Sorry sir. It won't happen again." Liam apologized to the old man in front of him. Dr. Russell gave him a stern glare and turned away, starting down the hallway. Liam was to join him on his rounds again. Adjusting his clichéd stethoscope around his neck, he followed after him. 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Dr. Payne.” Dr. Russell scolded him as they walked down the hall. “That is sound advice you’re both your personal life and your medical career.”

“Of course, sir.” He replied with a nod, making a mental note not to make promises he can’t keep. He hated how much he looked up to Dr. Russell. He really was an unpleasant man, but Liam wanted to please him anyway. 

It was a long day, a constant stream of patients and paperwork to get through. Liam barely even had time to think, let along eat or go to the bathroom. At times like this he missed his old job at the clinic as an overpaid physicians assistant. But then he remembered that he didn't scrape his way through medical school to be a physician’s assistant the rest of his life. 

He was dropping a patient file off at the nurse’s desk, and decided to take a breather. He leaned over the counter and smiled at sweetly at Danielle, the only nurse who would give him candy from the jar that was meant for kids. She sighed when she looked into his brown eyes and grabbed the jar, holding it out to him. 

"Sometimes I think the only reason Dr. Russell doesn't fire you is because of those puppy dog eyes." Danielle said as he opened the sucker he had chosen. 

"That and the fact that I'm the only idiot that accepted a fellowship from him." Liam added, placing the sucker in his mouth with a satisfied grin. “Wished I’d known what I was getting myself into with I got the job.”

"Only a few months left, yeah? Then you're free as a bird." Danielle said with a wide grin. 

"Nah. I'm hoping to stick around. This place isn't so bad. Maybe my puppy dog eyes can get me a full time gig here." Liam said through the candy in his mouth. It was better than he could have imagined. "God, this is so delicious. It’s the only thing I've had today other than a lukewarm cup of coffee." 

"Liam, what have I told you about—" Danielle started. 

"Trying to go all day on a empty stomach isn't good for you, blah blah blah." Liam finished with a smirk. Danielle threw her pen at him. He dodged it with practiced ease. She often used him for target practice.

"I'm serious, Liam." She scolded, reaching behind her and grabbing a wrapped sandwich that came from the cafeteria. "Eat. I'll go get another one, because I actually make time to feed myself." 

"You're a godsend, Dani." Liam said. He accepted the sandwich and tore into it ravenously. "Every time I try and get down to the cafeteria my damn pager goes off." 

"That's what I'm here for. Now go away, I have work to do." She said, smiling fondly at him. Liam gave her one last smile through his full mouth and walked away, hoping to find a corner he could finish his sandwich in without being interrupted. 

He was on his last bite of sandwich when a buzzing went off on his hip. He groaned and shoved the last bite into his mouth and chewing quickly. He glanced down at the device and hurried off in the direction he was called in. 

"Hello Frieda, how are we today?" He greeted his patient warmly. She was one of his favorites on the floor, having a loud mouth and bossy attitude. Frieda was in her 80s, but had the mindset of a liberal 20 year old. He loved it. 

"Still feel like utter shit." She said with a roll of her eyes. "What can you so about that?"

"Offer my sympathies and notify Dr. Russell?" Liam said, picking up her chart from the end of the bed and pulling a pen from the pocket of his shirt. 

"Fuck you." She said. Liam laughed. "You really live up to your name, don't you Dr. Payne?" 

"Hah. Funny. Haven't heard that one before." Liam said dryly, going through the chart quickly. Frieda scoffed at him. “Sorry. I can’t administer any kind of pain medication to you. I’m not your actual doctor. Just his little puppet.”

"You know who you remind me of, kid?" She said to him as he checked the machinery she was hooked up to. 

"Let's see, yesterday you said the devil?" Liam said. 

"I did, didn't I?" She said thoughtfully. "Well no. You remind me of my first husband." 

"That so? Was he funny, charming, and devastatingly handsome?" Liam asked sweetly, placing the chart back in its place at the end of the bed. Frieda laughed at him and motioned for him to sit in a chair at the side of the bed. 

"He was a smart ass, that's for one." Frieda said, looking pointedly at Liam. He smiled innocently. "He was too smart for his own good. Too good or his own good, as well. Not bad looking either."

"Aw, Frieda, I knew you liked me." Liam said in his sweetest tone. Liam plopped down in the plush chair and his sore feet started singing him praises. Hell, he wanted to break into song at how good it felt to sit.

"Lord knows I do, kid." She agreed. "Charlie, that was his name. The the only man I ever really loved. But he passed when I was only 25. Never really moved on from him. He was a lot like you. Hard to forget, you know?" 

"I'm sorry." Liam said, looking down at his hands. 

"No need to be sorry. It was years ago." She waved a hand. "You ever been in love, kid?" 

"Uh. Yeah. I think." Liam replied, looking at his hands again. 

"What's his name?" She asked. 

"Oh." Liam looked up, startled. "I um. How did you—" 

"You're gayer than the day is long." Frieda said. Liam gaped at her. She chuckled happily, reveling in the fact that she had caught him off guard. "Well, tell me about him." 

"Frieda, I don't think—" Liam started to protest, pushing up from the chair. What it professional to tell your life story to a patient? Probably not.

"Humor an old woman, yeah?" She said, looking at him with a pleading expression. It was obvious that she just wanted someone to talk to. So did Liam. Other than Niall he didn't have any friends he could talk to about this, and he was sure Niall was sick of hearing about it.

"Louis." Liam said finally. "His name is Louis Tomlinson." 

"Louis." Frieda repeated. "That's a nice name." 

"Yeah. It is. He was a principle dancer for the London Ballet a while back." Liam said, mentally smacking himself. It sounded like he was bragging about it. Part of him was, actually. 

"No shit?" Frieda said, impressed. 

"Nope. No shit. I never actually got to see him dance though, he was injured for most of the time we were, uh, seeing each other." Liam said, not sure what to call it. Dating, sneaking around, fooling around? It all didn’t do them justice. 

"Flexible, eh?" Frieda said, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. Liam flushed instantly. "Bet you liked that."

"You have no idea." Liam said with a chuckle. "He was so graceful too. Everything he did had a purpose, unlike me who was flailing like an idiot most of the time. He was like this magnet; he had this way of drawing people in and not letting them go. And he was funny too. Not like stand up comedian funny, but like, effortlessly funny. Most of the things that made me laugh weren't even intentional." 

"Where'd you meet him?" She asked. 

"At a pub." Liam said with a laugh. "He was a friend of my best friend, and introduced us. We spent the whole night talking. It was like, the minute I met him I just wanted to tell him everything."

"He sounds lovely." Frieda said dreamily. Liam nodded with her just as wistfully. "What happened then? You're talking about him in past tense."

"Ah. Well. He had a boyfriend." Liam said. 

"Ooh." Frieda said, peeking up in interest. 

"Yeah. I didn't know it when we first met, but I kept seeing him anyway. I dunno. I got my heart broken." Liam said, picking at some nonexistent lint on his scrubs. 

"Did he break it off?" 

"I did. He already chose Harry—that was his boyfriend’s name—and I just couldn't keep waiting for him, you know? I just...wish it weren’t the way it is. I think I would have been really good for him." Liam sighed sadly. 

"You're too good for your own good." Frieda told him, shaking her head. 

"Then he disappeared.” Liam said bitterly. “Apparently he moved to America with his boyfriend. I don't know. I haven't seen or heard from him in years. When it was over it was just over. I never talked to him again after I broke things off. No closure, no "fuck yous", nothing."

"That must be hard." Frieda said sympathetically.

"Want to know what my biggest regret about the whole thing is?" Liam asked, tipping his head to the side and looking out the window on the other side of her bed. 

"That you got involved with someone already in a relationship?" Frieda suggested. 

"That I didn't wait it out longer." Liam said with a shake of his head. "Whenever I find myself missing him I can't help but wonder if he would have picked me if I gave him more time. If I hadn't ended things so soon. It's dumb. It just..."

"It's not dumb. You loved the guy! Of course you're gonna regret losing him. That's not a bad thing. It's human." Frieda said softly. In all the weeks he’s known her he’d never heard her talk to him so gently or so kindly. Liam kind of liked it. 

"Thanks." Liam said cynically. 

"At least you let yourself fall in love. So many people don't these days. I know it hurts so lose someone you love but at least you got to love him." Frieda said, looking at him like she understood what he felt. He had never had anyone look at him that way before.

"I guess." Liam mumbled, kicking the toe of his shoe on the scuffed floor beneath him. 

"You're a good kid, Dr. Payne. You'll find someone who deserves all the love you have to give." Frieda said, holding her hand out for Liam to take. He slipped his hand into her frail one and she gave him a firm squeeze. 

"Okay. Enough of this mushy talk. I have to take a blood sample and finish my rounds." He said, standing up and pulling his hand from Frieda's. He pulled a syringe and needle from a cabinet from the corner of the room and Frieda glared at him. 

"I take back everything I said. You're satan’s incarnate himself." She complained as he stuck the needle into her arm. He gave her a wide grin. This woman was something else. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" He said when he was finished and had the blood sample all ready to take to the hematology lab. She made a noncommittal grunt and shooed him from the room with a series of colorful and creative curse words. 

~~~

"Liam!" Danielle called to him as he passed the nurses station during his rounds. It was a couple days after his chat with Frieda and he had been thinking about Louis nonstop since. He stopped in his tracks and turned back to her. 

"What?" 

"Some guy was looking for you while you were upstairs. Said his name was uh...Louis, I think?" She told him, scrunching her nose as she thought it over. 

Liam's eyes widened and he learned closer to Danielle. Louis Tomlinson was here? Looking for him. Did he hear her wrong? What the fuck. He was trying not to have a mental breakdown. 

"Louis?" He repeated. She nodded. "Brown hair, blue eyes, cheekbones, pixyish face, Louis?" 

"Um. His hair was brown." She confirmed, scratching at her head confused. 

"Oh my god." Liam said, scrubbing his hands over his face. "Oh my god. Did he say anything else?" 

"Just that he was looking for you and that he'll drop by again later. Why? Is he like your long lost lover or something?" She asked. Liam gave her an unimpressed look. "Oh. Okay. Um. If he drops by again I'll page you? If you aren't busy maybe you could come see him?" 

"Yes. Page me. Do that." Liam said. Danielle nodded, and he pushed away from the desk and continued down the hall. He only made it a few steps before turning around. "Don't page me. I don't. I can't see him." 

"Um. Okay. Do you want me to tell him you don't want to see him then?" Danielle asked, frowning a bit. 

"Yes. Tell him that." Liam said, turning away. "On second thought, page me." 

"Liam." She said, exasperated. 

"I don't know! What do I say to him? 'It's been three years and I don't think my poor pathetic heart could take it'?" Liam said sarcastically. 

"Uh—" He heard a familiar voice say behind him. 

"Goddamnit!" Liam cursed, whirling around. His eyes met Louis immediately, and he felt a knot in his stomach and a flutter in his chest at the same time. He almost didn’t look real. Liam almost didn’t believe that this was happening to him. 

"Sorry. I just thought—" Louis said, reaching his hand to rub at the back of his neck. 

"No. I'm sorry you heard that." Liam said hitting himself in the forehead. "I can't believe that just happened to me. What are you even doing here?"

"I wanted to see you. Niall wouldn't tell me how to contact you." Louis explained. "I Facebook stalked you. It said you work here so I gave it a try." 

"What." Liam said, his eyes wide and mouth open. Louis was looking for him. Louis found him. Jesus. This was too much for one day. 

"I wanted to see you." He said again. "I know this probably a bad time and I'll probably make a total ass of myself. But, on the odd chance that you could find it in yourself not to hate me for a couple hours, I want to ask you to come to dinner with me tonight."

"Dinner?" Liam said cautiously. "I can. I could probably do that. I mean. Yeah. We could catch up."

"Great.” Louis said, a hopeful grin splitting his face. 

~~~

Liam didn’t know what to expect. What are you supposed to do when the person you’ve been pining over for three years comes back and wants to see you? For all he knows, he’s just on vacation with Harry and wants to apologize for the way things ended. Oh god, Louis invited him to a pity dinner. 

Would it be rude to cancel? He wouldn’t know how to tell Louis he changed his mind. He could just stand him up. Maybe that would give him a taste of his own medicine. And if he did that he wouldn’t be able to see Louis. He wouldn’t be able to talk to him. Is that even what he wants?

Liam is sure that by the time he actually meets up with Louis he is going to have an ulcer and no hair. That’s how much he’s stressing out about this. He couldn’t believe how pathetic he was being right now. He really didn’t owe Louis anything. He didn’t have to explain anything to him. So logically, he shouldn’t feel bad about not going.

But Liam is a masochist. So he goes. He even has the decency to put on something other than scrubs for the first times in about three weeks. His jeans feel oddly clingy and his shirt is too well fitting. He feels so self-conscious he is silently willing the ground to swallow him whole. When he arrives at the restaurant that Louis suggested they meet at, Liam’s heart is beating so hard he’s worried he might pass out. 

Louis looked perfect, of course. He sees Liam walk in, and stands up from the table he was at, waving him over. Liam takes one more second to compose himself, and approaches him slowly. Louis looks the same, if not a little older. The stubble on his cheeks is fuller than it used to be, his eyes a little sharper, his smile a littler wiser, if that’s even possible. 

“Hey. Thanks for meeting me. You look great.” Louis said when Liam reached him. Liam could only smile stupidly and nod. He once gave a twenty-minute oration on the prospects of immunotherapy as a more effective treatment for cancer, and he can’t even say hello like a normal human being. 

He took his seat across from Louis, watching him expectantly. He sure as hell didn’t know what to see. It only seems fair that Louis start the conversation. Louis only stared at him, his mouth slightly open, eyes searching ever inch of him. 

“I um. Thanks for meeting me.” Louis said. Liam cocked an eyebrow at him and Louis shook his head. “I already said that. I’m sorry. I’m just a little overwhelmed right now. I just can’t believe you’re here.” 

“I am.” Liam said stupidly. 

“It’s been like…what, three years?” Louis asked, shaking his head.

“Three years, two months, three weeks.” Liam immediately corrected. Louis looked at him, his eyes widening, surprised. “I keep count. For some reason.”

“That’s—“ Louis began, then trailing off. The waitress asking them if they wanted something then interrupted him. Liam immediately rattled off the first thing he saw when he looked down at the menu. Louis seemed to do the same. 

“How’s Harry?” Liam asked, mostly because he hated himself. 

“Good. He loves D.C. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him happier. He’s doing photography for some educational film in the Swiss alps. I thought I’d come to Europe with him. Catch up with old friends and suff.” Louis said nonchalantly, picking up the glass of water the waitress sat in front of him and sipping it. 

“Hm.” Liam asked, trying not to grimace. He hated that he came, really. Louis smiled slowly and looked down at the table. “What are you up to then?”

“I help a friend at a studio by our house. It’s a pretty big dance school, so I keep busy. O think I like teaching more than I like performing, honestly.” Louis said. “Enough about me. Tell me about what you’ve been doing, Dr. Payne.” 

“Oh. Uh. That.” Liam tittered nervously. “Yeah. Finished med school a few months after you—“ He began, looking at Louis pointedly. He didn’t want to say it out loud. Louis nodded. “Um. Then I took a residency at the hospital. I didn’t have to be there that long since I already had a lot of experience in the medical field. So I got a fellowship a while later. It’s basically the same thing, but more specialized. Um. That’s how I ended up in oncology.”

“Why oncology?” Louis said, looking genuinely interested. 

“Well. I don’t know. I did my senior thesis on new therapies for cancer treatment and it just—went from there.” Liam shrugged. “I’m happy there.”

“Well. Congratulations on finishing med school. That must have been exciting for you.” Louis said with a smile.

“It was. It was nice to be done with transferring all the time. It was a bitch to get through. But I’m glad I did.” Liam said, blushing a bit. He hated that he blushed so much. 

“I’m proud of you.” Louis said quietly. Liam was about to say something but was interrupted yet again by the waitress who brought them their food. Louis tore his eyes from him and thanked her with a kind grin. 

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” Louis said. 

“Louis. Don’t say that.” Liam warned, looking down at his food. He didn’t even know what it was. “Please.”

“I’m sorry. I just. Being back here, it makes me think about you. How stupid I was. How badly I fucked things up. I should have called or something. But I—“ Louis tried. 

“You really didn’t have to. You were settled. No point in bringing up the past.” Liam said with a shrug. 

“I just feel like I should have said something. Like I should have done something.” Louis told him, toying with the sleeve of his jumper. You were a big part of my life. You honestly changed my life, Liam.”

“What.” Liam said lowly, trying to decide between mad and angry. 

“It sounds fucked up when I say it out loud. But you saved me and Harry and I really owe you big time for that. I can’t go on anymore with the thought that you might think I didn’t care about you. Because I did. I do.” Louis explained slowly. “We just weren’t meant to work out, you know?”

“No. I don’t know.” Liam snapped. Louis flinched. “I don’t feel accomplished or happy for you at all, Louis. Fucking hell, I was in love with you and you chose Harry! I knew it was coming, but it fucking sucked, okay? It still sucks. Because I can’t let it go.”

“I don’t really know how to go about apologizing for that. I never meant to hurt you.” Louis said desperately. “I was in a bad place when I met you. And I convinced myself that I was falling for you when I was really just coping with feeling like I was losing Harry. I hate that I was that guy that snuck around and used people…I hate that I made such a mess of things.” 

“I don’t know why I came.” Liam said, pushing away from the table and standing. “I can’t so this.” 

“Liam…” Louis said, looking sympathetically at him. 

“Stop.” Liam barked. “Don’t you dare feel sorry for me. God, Louis.”

“I was never the one for you, Liam. We would have worked out if we were. Just don’t let my stupid mistake keep you away from whoever else is out there for you.” Louis called after him. 

“Yeah. Whatever.” Liam scoffed and left Louis behind. It was a little dramatic, but Liam didn’t give a shit, frankly.  
~~~

Liam was on his way out of the hospital after working a double shift that nearly killed him. It was the middle of the day, but Liam felt like dying. He was so tired his eyes were grainy and moving was difficult. He had his hands shoved in the pockets of a sweatshirt, walking like a zombie. 

“Hey!” He heard a voice call behind him. He jerked out of his sleepy state and turning his head in the direction of the voice slowly. Liam blinked sluggishly as he saw the smiling face of someone he didn’t know approaching. 

“Do you work here?” The person asked him with a wide smile. Liam looked deliberately at his nametag that hung obviously over the neck of his sweatshirt and raised an eyebrow at the stranger. “Right. Er. I’m lost.” 

“Oh no.” Liam said dryly, his voice gravelly from his lack of sleep. 

“Um. Can you point me in the direction of a Dr. Stanley? Apparently I’m supposed to meet him in his office, but I have no idea where that is.” He said. He was tall, quite tall

“Uh. Dr. Stanley in the Emergency room?” Liam asked. The guy nodded. “His office is on the third floor wile the bottom floor offices are being renovated. Go on up and a nurse can point you in the right direction.” 

“Oh. I think that’s why I was so lost.” The guy said. 

“Probably.” Liam said shortly. “Do you need anything else?” 

“No. Thank—“

“Good.” Liam said, turning around on his heel and continuing on his way. He had an appointment with his bed, and he wasn’t keen on being late. 

~~~

He ran into that strange bloke from the lobby of the hospital later that week. He finally had enough time to take his lunch in the cafeteria, so he was enjoying it with by himself, with his headphones in, blissfully alone. 

Until someone pulled out the chair in front of him and plopped right down in front of him. Liam looked up, not impressed with the interruption. Until he got a good look at the specimen in front of him. The guy in front of him was more like a man, really. He was tall much, taller than him, and everything about him was very…large. His hair was short, a little longer on the top, a nice color of brown, very nice, Liam thought. He had a full face of stubble that perfectly outlined a perfect set of really full lips. 

Jesus.

Liam pulled his headphones from his ears and looks at him with what he hopes in a blasé expression. The guy just grins and starts to open his pudding cup, hair bouncing slightly as he does so. 

“Did you need something?” Liam asked, popping a grape into his mouth. Trying not to look as hot and bothered as he felt.

“No. I just need somewhere to sit.” He said with a shrug. Liam glanced around at all of the empty tables around them. They were the only one in the cafeteria other than an old couple in the corner. “Well I didn’t want to sit alone.”

“Who are you?” 

“Andy Samuels. I’m new. Just moved here from Leeds. I just joined the ER staff yesterday. That’s why I was lost on Monday.” He explained, placing a large spoonful of pudding in his mouth.

“Liam Payne.” He introduced himself. “I work in oncology.” 

“Ah. That why you were so knackered the other day?” Andy asked, waving his spoon around. "Heard that's a killer job."

“I guess. I work a lot and don’t sleep much. It gets to you after a while.” Liam said. He was used to it so it wasn't really that out of the ordinary for him. 

“I get that. I’ve been working in the ER since I got out of med school about six years ago. It’s a nasty schedule. Sleeping in is a luxury I get once a month if I’m lucky.” Andy said with a laugh. Liam nodded in agreement. 

“Why the ER?” He asked after a lull in the conversation. 

“I like the adrenaline.” Andy said, wagging his eyebrows for some reason. Liam didn't swoon. Honest.

“Hm.” Liam said, trying to remain unaffected by that smile and those goddamn lips. Their conversation came to a welcome end when Liam’s pager when off. He glanced down at it, shoving a few final bites into his mouth before standing up. He only gave Andy a curt nod before leaving him behind in the cafeteria. 

_Smooth, you massive wanker_ he thought to himself as he walked away. 

~~~

It soon became a thing. Liam calls it a thing because he doesn’t want to make it out to be anything more than it is. Because it was just a thing. Liam all of a sudden takes as many lunches in the cafeteria as possible, hoping to seen Andy there. It’s not like he was starting to fancy him or anything. He was just nice to look at and made decent conversation. 

Until one day.  
Andy was tearing into that damn pudding cup he always had, licking some stray chocolate off of his thumb as he discarded the wrapper. Liam tried not to drool. Which it impressive because nearly everything about him made Liam want to drool. 

Ever since Louis, Liam tried to keep to himself. He wasn’t really interested in dating or any kind of relationship. It was sure to end in disaster and Liam didn’t wasn’t to think about going through any of that ever again. It’s probably a bad way to live, but Liam has made it two years without any problems, so he doesn’t really think about it anymore. Being on guard is just natural for him.

“So when are you going to go out with me for real.” Andy asked him in a passive tone.

“Go out?”

“Yeah. Like on a date.” Andy said. “I mean, the cafeteria really sets the mood, but I think it’s time we broaden our horizons, yeah?”

“D-d-date?” 

“I’m sorry. Was that too forward? I just thought since we’ve been hanging out these past few months that…” Andy said, looking embarrassed. Liam had to bite back a grin. 

“No. No I’d love to.” Liam said quickly. “You just caught me off guard.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Definitely.” Liam said, smiling dopily at him. 

Liam left Andy that day with cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He usually didn't allow himself to fancy someone like he fancied Andy, but there was something about the guy. There was something in that smile, something about the way he looked at Liam that made him uneasy and giddy at the same time. 

It was the feeling of first falling a little. The way your stomach drops in the best way, the way your hands won’t stop shaking, and like how you smile for no reason. That how it was after that lunch. It was promise of a new beginning. And that was alright with Liam. 

~~~

So they went on their first date. Andy bought him a coffee after work at a real coffee joint, and they walked around the park by the hospital. They covered the things that they didn’t talk about at the hospital and got to know each other better. As they walked, sometimes their arms would brush, and they would jump like teenagers at the smallest contact, and then move away from each other. Then Liam would smile at him, Andy would blush, and Liam would revel in how perfectly adorable it was. 

~~~

One week later and a few more dates later, Andy kissed Liam outside his apartment. It was short, barely even five seconds before he pulled away and left, leaving Liam flustered and breathless. 

~~~

The next day, Andy pulled him into a supply closet on the first floor, and gave him a proper kiss, a kiss that lasted for what felt like hours. Liam felt like he was in a soap opera, snogging the fit ER doctor in a closet. It was nice. Dangerous but safe at the same time. 

~~~

Three months after that that Liam watched Andy reading his emails on his phone. His feet were propped up on Liam's lap and be was chewing on his bottom lip, clearly agitated at what he was reading. Liam was idly running his fingers along the exposed skin of Andy’s leg, pretending to be reading some trash gossip magazine. He watched him struggle with an amused smirk. 

 

"You look like you're in pain, Andy." Liam said, squeezing his shin gently. Andy groaned in response and brought the phone up to hit himself in the head with. 

"Fuck my family reunion, that's what I say. I don’t even know her. And my mum has sent me three strongly worded emails because I respectfully declined the invitation to spend three days at home with my family." Andy complained, throwing his head back and rubbing his eyes. 

"I thought you liked your family?" Liam said, pulling the phone from Andy’s hands and dropping it on the last available square inch of couch space. Andy smiled at him gratefully and relaxed back onto the couch. 

"I like my mum and dad. Anyone else is a nightmare. My family is a nightmare.” Andy said darkly. “There are many horrors to be seen at a Samuels family reunion.”

“They’re your family. I think you should go. Make your mum happy.” Liam said, always the voice of reason. Andy sighed. 

"You’re right.” Andy agreed. “I wouldn’t mind if it was anything else. I just fucking—"

"Hate your family?" Liam said in a mock questioning tone. "You don't say."

"Smart ass." Andy muttered, leaning up and flicking him in the forehead. Liam laughed and pushed Andy's hand away from flicking him again. One look at the stupid smile, and Liam couldn't help but straddle his lap and smash their lips together. Andy reciprocated eagerly, obviously not bothered by the distraction. 

~~~

Liam ended up going to the family reunion with Andy. He introduced Liam as his boyfriend to everyone there, and it was the first time either of them had said it out loud. He’s never been someone’s boyfriend before. It felt nice to be something to someone. 

And have Andy tell his whole family with a proud smile on his face, well; Liam couldn’t even describe that feeling. 

~~~

After five months together, Andy whispered, "I love you" into Liam's ear as they made love in his bed for the first time. It caught him by surprise. He was lost in the feeling of being so close to someone after such a long time. Liam almost didn’t hear him. 

Andy was on top of him, moving his hips fluidly in an even rhythm in and out of Liam, kissing along his collarbones gently. Liam’s hands were clutching his back desperately, his legs wrapped around Andy’s hips, trying to keep him as close as possible. 

Andy’s mouth moved up to his ear as he continued carried on his movements in Liam. He panted those three little words into Liam’s ear, carding his fingers easily into Liam’s hair. He gasped at the combination of the declaration and a particularly incredible thrust of Andy’s hips.

Liam said it back. It was the first time a man had ever told him he loved him. He felt like he was made of helium, all weightless and light and happy. Liam thought he might fly away if he wasn’t wrapped up in Andy.

~~~

One year later Andy kissed him harshly and wished him a "Happy one year anniversary." Liam rolled his eyes at the sentiment. He always thought things like that were silly. Andy frowned at called him a party pooper. Andy then dragged him to the bedroom to try and change him mind. After a whole day spent in bed, Liam decided that he didn't mind celebrating anniversaries. 

~~~

Two months after that, Andy asked Liam to move in with him. Liam said yes. Of course he said yes.

~~~

Four months after that, Liam was throwing a plate at Andy's head. They had been fighting for the past few weeks and he was at the end of his sanity. Andy's nostrils flared as he ducked away from the projectile. It shattered against the wall with a loud noise that made him jump.

"Fuck you, Andy!" Liam yelled, picking up another plate. Andy was out of the flat before the second plate shattered against the wall. 

~~~

Later that night, Andy decided he didn't like sleeping in the doctors lounge at the hospital. So he stomped back over to his and Liam's place and demanded Liam talk to him without throwing things at his head. Liam agreed easily, admitting that he hated the few hours he had spent alone. They both said they were sorry, even though neither knew why they were fighting in the first place. 

The wake up sex wasn’t so bad anyway. 

~~~

At their second anniversary, they spent the day in bed, just like the first.

~~~

Six months after that, someone called Liam a "faggot" at the hospital. It was a snot nosed intern, and he shouldn't have been offended, but it got to him. He never got used to the derogatory terms people were so fond of. Andy held him tight as Liam cried silently. He didn't usually cry, but sometimes he broke down, and Andy was the only thing that could put him back together. 

~~~

On their third anniversary, Liam had to work. So did Andy. They were both grumpy the whole day. All they wanted was to be at him. They made up for lost time after dinner though. 

~~~

A few months later, Andy shaking his shoulder awaked Liam early on a Saturday morning.

"So. It's my birthday." Andy commented, pulling Liam into his chest. Liam sighed at being moved, but he didn't care since Andy was so warm. He curled up instantly, liking this position better than the first.

"It is. And it's 5:30 in the morning. We'll talk about it later." Liam grumbled, not opening his eyes. 

"Liam?" Andy asked, letting his fingers trace Liam's bare skin of his back. 

"Hmmf?"

"We're planning on forever, right?”

"Yeah. I'm not going anywhere. Although you are tempting me. It's too early." Liam teased, pulling the blanket tighter around him and nuzzling his head deeper into Andy’s neck. 

"Liam, if I ask you something, will you please just think about it before you say no?" 

"I guess this means I'm not going back to bed?" Liam asked, turning over so that he could face Andy. He was leaning over him and smiling shyly. 

"I want to talk to you." Andy said, now running his hands along the smooth planes of Liam's chest. 

"Okay. What can I do for you?" Liam asked modestly, rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

"I want...I've just been thinking for a while...and I've always wanted to have...but it's hard since I'm gay..."

"Yes, Andy. I know." Liam chuckled; taking the hand that was on his chest and lacing their fingers together. 

"I want a family. Like...kids, Li. I've always wanted to be a dad and we've been together for a few years and...it's just...I want to start a family with you. I mean...we don't have to start now, god, can you imagine? But I just want you to keep an open mind. For the future..."

Liam was speechless. 

Andy wasn’t the ending he had planned. Not at all. But looking back on it, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. Love is a strange thing, hard to understand, and it never really feels the same. Liam didn’t love Andy the way he loved Louis. Maybe he loved Andy more of maybe he just loved him differently. He wasn’t sure. All he knows is that in the end he’s grateful for all the love he’s found along the way. Even the kind that didn’t stick around for long, and the kind that ripped him apart. 

Because somehow all that love prepared him to find Andy. And that’s worth a million heartbreaks, Liam thinks. If he gets to end up here, he’d do it all again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been up all night. Literally. The whole reason I even wrote this chapter is because I wanted Liam to have a happy ending goddamnit. I rewrote this like three times in one night. Three times. I'm happy with the way things ended. Even if it is terrible quality...It's been an ungodly amount of time since I last slept. 
> 
> If you don't like it, IDGAF (that literally translates to 'I don't give a fuck') I'm not rewriting it again:D that sounded hostile. I'm not a hostile person. 
> 
> Again. I'm sorry if you read my first draft. I'm not proud of who I was in those few moments. I fixate on things. I couldn't let it go, okay? In my defense, it was 4 am. You guys don't care. 
> 
> Thanks for reading. I'm writing Tomlinshaw next. Because I love Tomlinshaw for reasons unknown. Bye.


End file.
